Breathless (Book 1&2)

Harder to Breathe #14

Harder to Breathe #14
Noreen

"Miss, are you okay?"
"A-Ah?" I hurriedly wiped my face and went out of the cafe. People were looking at me. Hindi ko alam kung gaano ako katagal nakatulala mula ng umalis doon si Ate Chloe.

Hindi ko mapigilan ang pag iyak habang naglalakad. Walang direksyon, walang destinasyon, hindi ko alam kung saan na ako eksakto, basta, basta patuloy lang ako sa paglalakad.

"A-Ah!" I continued to sob habang hila hila ang maleta kong dala. "W-Why did I end up like this?" I asked myself pero di ko rin alam kung saan ako hahagilap ng sagot.

After all what she said hindi ko alam kung paano ko iaahon ang sarili ko. Those words were like sharp knives na ilang beses sumaksak sa dibdib ko.

I decided to sit on the nearby bench. I looked pathetic. Yes, I know I really looked pathetic right now. I'm in a country, in a place where no one knows me habang umiiyak mag-isa.

I feel so little, so worthless.

I can't clear my head, there are a lot of thoughts inside of it and it brings unbearable pain. Mentally, emotionally, physically.

"I'm sorry baby..." bulong ko habang hawak hawak ang tiyan. "I'm sorry d-dahil ako ang naging mommy mo."

The moment nalaman kong buntis ako, I wanted to see Cloud immediately. I want to tell him about our baby. About the life we created together and now living inside of me.

That moment, I know for sure he will be happy. He will be excited. His happiness will overflow and he will not able to hold back his tears.

That's what I imagined...

But after I met Ate Chloe. I don't know. I'm not sure anymore. I know Cloud. He will definitely take responsibility once nalaman niya, no doubt about it but, b-but paano siya? Paano ang future niya na inihanda sa kanya ng pamilya niya? Ang future niya na nakasulat na bago pa kami dumating sa buhay niya?

Knowing Cloud, he will leave everything when the situation became worst. All his efforts will be put into waste and I don't want that to happen. Cloud is not just a normal person. He is not a nobody. He is a Del Rosario. Malawak. Mataas. Iyon siya. Doon siya bagay.

If I stirred up something between him and his family and he decided to leave them for us, anong mangyayari sa amin? With my current state, wala akong kayang i offer. With his current situation, he is still like a young bird learning how to fly, ano ang kaya niyang gawin?

Kakayanin ba namin? I don't know. I'm not sure. I'm afraid. I'm afraid na baka hindi rin mag work out iyon.

Mom clearly despises his family now. I know for sure that she will not approve of our relationship after what happened. I can't set aside my Mom, she's the only family I have.

I don't know. Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko. Wala akong pwedeng makausap. Matanungan. Matakbohan.

Magulo. Masakit. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako hahagilap ng sagot sa dami ng tanong na tumatakbo sa isip ko ngayon.

"I'm sorry b-baby. Pinapahirapan ka ni Mommy..." bulong ko habang walang tigil sa pag-iyak. "I'm really s-sorry..."

My phone suddenly rang and I hesitated when I saw Cloud's name on it. I let it rang habang sa kusa na itong maputol but he immediately dialled my number again.

"Noreen?" bungad niya.

How I longed for his voice before but now, the longing turned into fear and confusement.