Thomas Brodie-Sangster Imagines

A Magical Momment

My eyes wandered around the view that was in front of me as I stood at the corner of the room, a red plastic cup filled with beer in my hand as I continued to awkwardly stand. Strong vibrations of the loud music playing from the speakers could be felt within the walls, the room crowded with college students as they bounced up and down and danced around. The medium sized room that belonged to the house of my best friend, Brenda, was plunged into entire darkness but with the flashing neon lights that went off almost every second as every one danced around, you could slightly make out the faces that were right in front of you.

There were loud screaming that echoed around the room every now and then but mostly everyone was singing along to the music that was playing loudly in the background, shouting out ever single lyrics that blasted out of the speakers. As I took another sip of the dishwater like beer that sat in my cup, I watched with intrigued eyes as everyone danced with each other, swaying their hips from left to right while throwing their head back. Without even knowing it, I bobbed my left leg up and down to the rhythm of the song as I leaned my back against the wall as I searched for the familiar faces of my friends who were lost in the crowd. Dressed in a pair of black worn out jeans with a cream, lace, long sleeved crop top, I was like a fish out of the sea as I stood there searching.

My eyes flashed past unfamiliar faces that I barely recognized, some who attended the same classes as me though I barely remembered their names while others who I had seen before when walking in the hallway, but none of them were people I was closed too. I bit my lip down hard as I continued searching until I stopped when the familiar face of the British boy I knew so well landed in my vision of sight. I felt my heart quickened its pace slightly as I continued looking at him as he stood there just talking to his friends, taking my time to admire him from where I stood. The familiar feeling like how my head feels lightheaded all of a sudden or how the blood seems to rush through my body at an even faster pace is a usual feeling every time I was with Newt or even looking at him, and I knew exactly why. Feelings.

I would be lying horribly if I said that I wasn't in love with Newt, someone I knew ever since I was a child in diapers. It should have occurred to me that something like that was going to happen, but no matter how many times I tell myself that I'm not in love with him, I can't escape the inevitable that's chasing after me. It would have so easy to tell him straight up that I was in love with him but fear was a emotion so strong that held so many people back from their dreams. Fear of rejection and never being friends with Newt again. Fear of him hating me and the agony of having to know it. Fear of never seeing him again everyday like I always do. It was amazing how one emotion that could be felt in a variety of level could cause so much pain and prevent things so great from happening, but overcoming fear was something even I couldn't do in this situation. But with that decision that I chose to keep to myself, of course, came its unbearable consequences which at times only made me feel like I'm drowning underwater with every second that ticked by.

Like the agony of having to watch him fall in love with other girls and fake a smile for him when he asks for your opinion as to whether his outfit is suitable for the date or not, it all came crashing down like a huge tidal wave of emotion every time I had to relive the moments again and again. To see the person you love be happy with someone else and all you can do is stand by their side and pretend that you're happy for them, even though inside, you're slowly dying bit by bit. To nod your head and plaster a huge smile on your face as you attentively listen to him talk about how his date went, though none of the words were actually going to your head because all you can think about is how you want him to be yours.

But the thing that hurt most, was seeing the love of your life coming to your apartment with tears streaming down his face after a horrible break up with his girlfriend of 3 months, and sobbing in your arms as you held him. And as you stood there, comforting with all the comfort that you could provide, all you can think of is what a fool his ex girlfriend was and how you wished you could show him how much he was actually loved by. No words could describe the pain of relieving all of this moments again and again but as much as I would like to shake Newt back and forth while screaming at him that I love him, I couldn't. And I hated it.