This is How I Disappear

Minutes Apart

I was playing Ray's acoustic guitar while Bob was getting ready for the show.

Playing some melody that Ray showed me.

"Hey Honey."

"Oh hey Bob!"

"I got my clothes on for the show. you like?"

"I love it hun."

"Can you.?"

"What is it?"

"Will you like to walk me to the stage?"

"Yeah I would love to. Do you mind if I stay and watch."

"Of course babe. I will get you a pass and you can watch form the stage."

"Thank you."

"Come we have to get going Bell."

"Alright let me just put this down and we can go."

Bob took my hand and we made our way to the stage

the guys follwed and they started getting pumped up

I didn't see Gerard though

"Hey guys where is Gerard?"

"Oh hey where is he? He is always the first one there."

"Oh there he is!"

he walked up slowly and kept his eyes on the ground.

"Hey guys I am here. Sorry for being late."

"It's okay man."

he tied up his tie and threw on his jacket

and grabbed the mic.

and started to walk to the stage without looking at me.

"Wish me luck."

"Good luck."

I gave Bob a quick peck on the cheek and he ran off smiling

"Good luck guys!!"

they all yelled back

"Thanks Bella!!"

I stood there waiting for them to begin

the lights went out

there was something very familiar about this

my head started to hurt

the kids were starting their names

and in unison chanting "MCR!"

I had to stop and take deep breathes

I just knew all this felt familiar

and then Mikey shot into a bass line

and the band joined in

and Gerard's voice

conquered the whole thing

"Oh baby here comes the sound!

I took a train outta New Orleans and they shot me full of ephedrine.

This is how we like to do it in the murder scene.

Can we settle up the score?"

then it came back

a memory

"You really like them don't you?"

"Yeah I do. they make me feel like I am a person. alive. happy even. and not like a slave."

"I see. well girl I see you and you know I love you. I hate them as much as you do. but I promise I will take us away from this place

the first chance I get."

"Promise?"

"Yes I promise, you are my little sister after all."

"Only by two minutes!"

"I am still older!"

I have a brother....a twin brother....oh my god.

His voice still conquered

"if you were here I'd never have a fear.

So go on live your life.

But I miss you more than I did yesterday.

he turned to look at me and sang

You're beautiful!"

"I love you sis."

"I love you too."

"We have each other through all of this. don't ever forget that."

I started hyperventilating

and just stared at him and I just took off and ran

I ran until

my lungs were about to explode

I ran until I got to the bus and found my bunk

and I got into it closed the curtain

I sat there and breathed

and kept thinking about what I just remembered

I brought my legs close to my chest

and sat there thinking

"I have...a...brother... I have someone who cares about me?"

I waited there

that bass line

kept running through my head

and something else

"Hey I have surprise for you."

"What is it Matt?"

"close your eyes."

"Okay"

"Open them."

"Oh my god you got me a bass!!!"

"Yeah lets start off with this and then I will get you a guitar next."

"Thank you Matty! oh gosh."

"Anytime sis. Here let me take a look at your bruises."

"I love you."

"I know."

he loved me

he cared for me

he nursed me

where is he?

where?