This is How I Disappear

Smelled like him

This Is How I Disappear

Smelled like him

I fell asleep to the sound of his voice, and for the first time ever since the nightmares started.

I didn't have them.

I actually slept.

I didn't know for how long because I woke up to find myself in Gerard's arms.

And he was just holding me.

"Ummm...hi."

"Hey there. You slept for quite a long time."

He tucked my hair behind my ear so I can see him better.

"Are the guys back yet?"

"No they aren't...oh do you want me to let you go?"

I should have said no.

I should have but instead I said...

"No. I like this. I need this right now. Usually I wake up screaming, crying and freaking out."

"I know, I still hear you sometimes but you don't talk to me so I stopped trying to."

"I know. It felt like you don't even want to be near me sometimes."

"It's not that, it's ... complicated."

"What is it that makes it complicated?"

"I can't tell you."

"Why not?"

"Because I just can't..."

He mumbled something to himself... it sounded like , "let me just enjoy this, while I can."

"What did you say?"

"oh nothing...do you want to know a secret?"

"Really? Yes."

"I am in love."

My heart sank a bit...he is in love with that girl..fucking kill me

"Oh...it's that one girl. I saw the way you guys were kissing I can see that you care about her"

"No Bella you never let me explain, she is nothing to me."

"Wait then why are you with her?"

"Because.."

"Because what Gerard?"

"Because she makes me forget about y-"

"Bella! We are back!!!"

He let me go and quickly jumped out of the bunk

And sat back in the chair

"Hey babe, are you okay? You don't look too hot."

"Yeah I passed out, Gerard was watching me while you guys were gone"

"Oh shit you okay?"

"Yeah Bob I am fine."

"Oh thanks Gerard, I would have been out of my mind if something terrible happened to her."

"No problem I have to go...bye"

"Gerard wait!"

He didn't turn back

"He always does that."

"Yeah he does that a lot nowadays. But I am just glad you are okay babe."

"Yeah...me to. Anyway, where do you go off to for so long?"

"Well I got you something."

"Oh no not another thing please the locket from all of you was enough."

"Ah! You will accept this and that's the end of it!"

"But!"

"No buts!"

"Fine. What is it?"

"Well I noticed that you always wear Gerard's clothes and I think it's time for a change."

"What you want me to wear your clothes?"

"Huh? No you silly girl. I think it's time you wear clothes design for a lady."

"What?"

Bob got up and went and came back with bags and bags of stuff from different stores.

"Bob what is all of this?"

"Clothes...for you."

"What?"

"I thought it was time for you to starting wearing your own clothes as opposed to Gee's"

But I liked wearing them.

Because no matter how many times I wear them

They always smelled like him.

"Oh gosh thank you so much Bob."

"You really like them?"

I opened a bag to find a nice dress, a nice black one. Something I can wear everyday.

"Oh gosh Bob this is so beautiful."

"I got some shoes as well, and some girl type shoes too, heels and wedges."

"You are so wonderful, I couldn't ask for a better boyfriend."

I went in to hug him and he held me for as while.

But in the back of my head I couldn't help crave another pair of arms.

Stop it!

Be Happy with Bob

I am trying my best now shut up!

Whatever.

Bob, I am settling with Bob because I can't never have the one I want because he loves someone else.

So I am trying to be happy.

But Bob is no Gerard.