This is How I Disappear

For Her... (Bob)

Just seeing them just look at each other like that.
Playing around singing and dancing around and laughing.
Something just told me, she really never cared as much for me as I did for her.
She cared but not enough, not enough for her to say that she loved me. Or to give me her whole heart and let me in all the way because….she loved someone else.
And then just watching them look at each other like that was like someone punching me in the gut over and over again.

“Whats going on here?”

She immediately stood up

“Bob we were just…we were.”
“So this is where you go when you go off by yourself?”
“Bob I…I am…yeah it is.”
“Why didn’t you tell me the truth?”
“I don’t know. I just…I don’t know.”

He looked at me like he was scared shitless.
Like I was going to do something to him.
But I couldn’t not the way I was feeling.
And I think that Bella wouldn’t like the fact that I beat the living snot out of Gerard.
It wouldn’t help me at all.
So I took the step I knew I had to take.
For her.

“Bella can we talk alone?”
“Ye-yeah..Gee can you?”
“Yes I will be at the bus.”

He walked pasted me still a bit scared.

And as he walked past me he only said

“I’m sorry.”

And we headed off to the bus

“Bob I am so sorry I didn’t me-“
“Stop right there. Don’t talk. Please. I want to talk to you uninterrupted. Alright?”

She just nodded yes

“I have been blind to what I didn’t want to admit to myself. I loved you so much but I never bothered to ask you if you felt that strong towards me. I just assumed that you would after being together for this long. I never noticed that you don’t love me. Because if you did, you wouldn’t be here with Gerard having little rendezvous and having fun with him instead of me.”

“Bob?..What are you-“

“Bella please let me just finish.”

I was going to do it.
I was going to set her free….

And break my own heart in the process.

“It took me that night in Washington and this to realize that you don’t love me. Because you are already in love with someone else. You can’t give me your whole heart because you have already given it away. And you won’t let me all the way in. I love you Isabella. I love you enough to want your happiness over my own. I love you but we are done.”

With that I walked away as fast as I could because I wouldn’t be able to look at her for much longer.
I set her free, I wanted her to be with the one she really wants.

I walked and ended up at some bench away from the venue.
We played tonight.
Which is good because I can really use a distraction right now.
Something I can keep it together for.
Because I just destroyed my own heart.
I loved her but I couldn’t have her be in a relationship with me, when she really loved Gerard.

I sat there looking out to the green of the park I was at.
I sat there and I thought about her.
I sat there and wished her happiness.

I sat there and let my heart break