This is How I Disappear

We Will Never Be Together

“Hey sis. Are you okay?”

“Yeah I am I just want out of this hell hole already!”

“Yeah I know what you mean.”

“At least they don’t beat you as hard.”

“They are sexist, they ride you harder because you are the girl. And I am the dude. The “apple” of their eye.”

“Stupid assholes. I can’t believe we got them as parents.”

“Yeah but one day sis I promise I will get us out of here. And we will start a better life. Far away from here.”

“You promise?”

“cross my heart.”

“You are the greatest Matt. I could never have asked for a better twin brother.”

“And I couldn’t have asked for a better twin sister. Now come on we have to head back before they give us hell.”

“I hate them…”

“I know….but we still have each other.”

“Yeah we do. And that’s all that matters.”

“I love you Matt.”

“And I love you-“

And that’s where I woke up.

I sat up from the couch and my brothers ran up to me.

“Mikey what happened?’

“you blacked out but before you screamed out my named. You freaked me out Bells.”

“I am sorry…I rem-I am sorry.”

“Bells never do that to us.”

“sorry Frankie I don’t know what happened.”

“You had us scared shitless man.”

“Ray sorry.”

“Its alright you seem okay now. Are you?”

“Yeah I am….Gerard isn’t here is he?”

“No he went off with Alexis, and we cant seem to find Bob anywhere.”

“oh…don’t you guys have to prepare for the show?”

“Yeah but we wanted to make sure you would wake up first and if you were okay.”

“I am Ray thanks. Now go and get ready no one likes tardy bands..”

“ha ha okay.”

They all gave me a kiss on the forehead and let me to go get ready.

What the fuck was that?

I think it was another memory.

It has to be.

These have to be memories, these can’t be random dreams.

I dream about the exact same people over and over again.

These are memories!

They have to be….and if they are…my life is a living hell.

Parents that don’t give a shit and a twin that cares the world for me.

But why can’t I remember everything?

I need to remember…I have to know everything.

“Isabella?”

Gosh darn it.

That voice

That fucking velvet voice.

“Bella please…please let me talk to you.”

I couldn’t look at him.

He got in front of me and got on his knees.

“Bells please.”

He put his hands on my face and made me look at him.

“I thought you and Bob were going to talk and make up and everything. I just.. I just wanted to forget that you were his girlfriend and Alexis was there and one thing lead to another…and then you came back…please say something……please talk to me…”

Tears welled up in my face

“I thought….I know I love you….but this just makes me see that you never did…I am nothing to you. And we don’t belong together. We will never be together.”

“bella no…please I lov-“

“Don’t even bother saying it because I know you don’t mean it. This showed me that there will never be a us. Never. And also that I was just a toy, a game to you. Well you won Gerard…thanks for breaking my heart. Now leave me alone. And go fuck your girlfriend.”

I got up and walked out on him.

I figured out why all of a sudden why I didn’t have nightmares or blacked out as much until know.

Gerard was my antidote to all of it.

He kept all the bad stuff away.

He made me forget.

And now...they are coming back.

I changed into a new set of clothes and out of my dress.

And I walked to the venue and sat behind the stage.

And sang until the fans started coming in.

Voices filled the venue and I walked out and went to one of the dressing rooms and to my surprise I wasn’t the only one in there.

A teared eye guy sat there.

With his blue eyes red and blonde hair ruffled.

“Hey Bells.”

“Hi Bob.”