This is How I Disappear

I am going to protect him even if I had to sacrifice my heart

the days had passed and I was putting on a smile every single day.

I worried and was a wreck but no one ever saw that.

well almost no one.

"Lil sis are you alright?"

"Yeah why do you ask?"

"You look like hell have you been sleeping alright?"

shit.

lie

"Yeah."

"You're lying."

"No I am fine."

"Isabella...I know you better than everyone here, well other than Matt, but I can tell that you are lying."

"I can't tell you..."

"Tell me what Bella? What has been going on with you lately?"

tell him Mikey won't tell, even if hurt him too

"I can't tell you..."

"And why the hell not?"

"Because I want to be safe from her."

"From who? Bells tell me now or I swear that-"

"My mother is coming....and I can't let her hurt you guys."

"What?!"

"I am going to do something and I hope you won't hate me for it. I am doing it to protect you and the guys and most of all Gee."

"Why?"

"Because she is like a disease and once she is in your life, you will wish that you were dead. so please, please don't tell gee anything. I am not going back to her and I am not about to let her find out where Gee lives and destroy his life."

"Isabella what are you going to do?"

"I...I.."

I was tearing up...thank god Gee was at his mom's house.

"Isabella Black what are you planning to do?"

"I am leaving....and I can't come back."

"WHAT!?!"

"I have to leave, its the only way."

"And when exactly are you planning on disappearing? huh?"

"Soon."

"How soon? do you know what this will do to Gerard?"

"I know! But I can't let her come here. I will throw her off course go anywhere else, disappear. I mean I already changed my name so she won't find me."

"Bells please don't do this."

"There is no stopping me Mikey. I love you guys too much to let her ruin your lives."

"We will fight her off...please don't go."

"you can't beat her."

"Bells please."

"I love you big brother, and don't tell Gerard please. please."

"But.."

"Mikes please."

he looked at me with anger and sadness written all over his face, but in the end he knew he couldn't say no.

"Fine...but on one condition."

"What?"

"You keep in touch with me."

"I-can-"

"Thats my one and only condition keep it or I tell."

"Fine. I will."

my stuff was packed.

I was just waiting for Matt's call and where to meet him.

Gee had no idea and I would like to keep it that way.

we were laying on the grass of our back yard and looking up at the stars.

"Bells?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love you too sugar. this is a nice night."

"Yeah it is."

"I like star grazing makes me forget about everything, just looking up and seeing them there and playing connect the dots with them."

"Me too. thats what I love about you. you appreciate little things like stars."

and it hit me.

some other girl is going to be here.

laying in his arms.

doing this exact same thing with him.

he is going to be telling her that he loves her.

he is going to marry her and start a family.

gosh i hate myself.

but I love him to death.

he has my heart.

and I am going to protect him even if I had to sacrifice my heart.

"babe you alright."

"Huh? yeah."

"it just looks like you are about to cry."

"Oh sugar no.

and then it happened....the call i was dreading.

"Oh let me get that okay Gee I will be right back"

"Alright babe."

I went and picked up my phone.

"hey sis. I am here I am staying at the motel six blocks away from your place."

"Okay I am going there tomorrow night."

"Sis please tell me what is going on."

"Look right now the less you know the better. I will tell you when I get there okay?"

"alright I will be waiting."

"Okay. Love you."

"Love you too."

"See you tomorrow."

"Bye."

keep it together,

I can't.

you have to this is what you want now suck it up and keep it together.

fine!

"Hey who was?"

"It was Matt just want to see how everything was going."

"Thats good."

"Hey...how about we stay in tomorrow and have an us day?"

"Sounds good but whats the occasion?"

"What you need an occasion to stay in bed watch movies and eat ice cream?"

"Well no."

"Well then shush and come on, let go upstairs I am tired and i want you to sing me to sleep."

"alright babe."

we cuddled and he put his arms around me and brought me closer.

"you know which one."

"I know."

he sang me to sleep.

and I closed my eyes and burned his voice into my memory.

I wanted to remember this.

even after what I am about to do to him.