This is How I Disappear

I was nothing to him..

I was still standing there in shock of what just happened.

He broke up with me….

I just still can’t believe it.

Well its what you wanted no?

Yes. I did but.

He was just so civil about it.

I expected more of a dramatic response out of him or something,

I just feel like a piece of shit right now.

Yeah you cared about him but not enough.

I know. He really loved me and I broke his heart….fuck my life.

I started walked.

I ended up back at the bus.

No one was in there.

I expected to find at least one person in here.

“H-Hello? Anyone here?”

I heard quiet whispering and talking…and giggles.

“Sh-Gee we have to be quiet. Someone might walk in one us.”

Gerard?

“Please babe no one is here and no one is around.”

“Fine but if someone find us I am going to kill you.”

“Ha ha now where were we?”

I kept walking towards his voice.

It came from my (Gerard’s) bunk

I stood there trembling

I took a deep breath and pulled the curtain back

“Oh what the fuck?! Its you again?! Can you please stop interrupting us already?! Fuck!”

Nasty just screamed that at me and

I just stood there.

I couldn’t stop them.

I meant nothing to him.

I was nothing.

“Bells! I thought you were with Bob….Bells wait!”

I started to walk away,

I was too shocked to run.

I couldn’t get the image out of my head.

They were half naked on my bunk.

Was he just toying with me?

Was I some game?

What the fuck was I to him?

I was nothing to him.

All the stolen kisses.

And time together meant nothing now.

I couldn’t get the image out of me head.

That and the voices that screamed

SEE!! WE WERE RIGHT YOU ARE NOTHING! WE

TOLD YOU AND YOU WOULDN’T LISTEN OR BELIEVE ME!!!

HAHAHAHAHA!

THIS SHOWS YOU!

It was the voice of the woman who beat me.

She was in my head telling me all these horrible things.

And I am starting to believe them.

I walked into the venue and sat behind the stage.

I sat there and cried.

and sang

“Ah, look at all the lonely people

Ah, look at all the lonely people

Eleanor Rigby picks up the rice in the church where a wedding has been

Lives in a dream

Waits at the window, wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door

Who is it for?

All the lonely people

Where do they all come from?

All the lonely people

Where do they all belong?

Father McKenzie writing the words of a sermon that no one will hear

No one comes near.

Look at him working,darning his socks in the night when there's nobody there

What does he care?

All the lonely people

Where do they all come from?

All the lonely people

Where do they all belong?

Ah, look at all the lonely people

Ah, look at all the lonely people

Eleanor Rigby died in the church and was buried along with her name

Nobody came

Father McKenzie wiping the dirt from his hands as he walks from the grave

No one was saved

All the lonely people

Where do they all come from?

All the lonely people

Where do they all belong?”

I cried and wished with all my might that I should have never fallen in love with Gerard Arthur Way.

Because all he did was break my heart.

And proved the woman from the nightmares right

Who would ever love someone as worthless, pathetic and unwanted as me?