This is How I Disappear

I Love Him.

I enjoyed the gifts the guys gave me.

Me and Bob were sitting on the couch in the bus and talking,

when all of a sudden Gerard bursts in.

"Everyone....guys can you get in here?"

Frank, Mikey and Ray came in and sat down.

"Alright man you look like you committed a crime whats up?"

"I-I..need to...uh..."

"Gee whats the matter?" I asked

"Bells, everyone I need to tell you that....I have been...seeing...a..."

"Gerard are you in there?"

"I have been seeing her.."

And there she was. Miss Nasty Temper, I need a nick name for her. Something shorter.

And straight to the point.

"What is she doing here?"

It pointed at me.

" baby. That's-That's Bob's girlfriend Bella."

"Oh. Don't hang around her. Ever you got that Gerard?"

She had her hands all over Gerard like she was marking her territory.

He had a panicked look on his face.

Bob spoke up.

"So is this the reason you dash off as soon as we stop?"

"Yeah man. Just started dating her a couple months back, right around the time you and Bells started."

He looked at me like he was trying to tell me something.

"thanks good...Gee...Bob..I don't feel well I am going to go lay down."

"Okay babe."

"Mikey can you help me get to the bunk?"

"Yeah sure, I don't want to be here for this."

Mikey helped me up and held me close to him and helped me into the bunk.

"How long have you known Mikey?"

"What?"

"About Gerard and this chick?"

"How did you know I knew about that thing?"

"I just got a feeling."

"Well ever since they got together. I don't like her at all she is all wrong for him."

"He loves her. How can she be wrong for him? Sure you can tell she is a jealous person. She doesn't want Gerard hanging around me, like Gerard thinks of me that way."

I wish he did though.

"What makes you think he loves her?"

"He told me he does. He said he was in love and I think its safe to say its her. Who else would it be?"

He looked at me like I was insane. With shock on his face.

"Mikey was is it?"

"Did you ever? No never mind I shouldn't."

"Shouldn't what Mikey? Was is it?"

"Okay but I will deny I ever said this, but did you ever think he is just with Alexis."

It has a name...ugly name at that.

What the?

Am I jealous?

"So the bleach blonde has a name?"

"Whoa there missy...is that jealousy I detect?"

Yes!

Wait no!

Yes!

Oh fuck

"NO!"

"huh a little defensive there."

"Michael I am with Bob. I am so not jealous of that, bleach nasty of a girl."

"Yeah right, whatever you say. Anyway back to what I was trying to say is... did you ever think that Gerard is with Alexis because he is trying to distract himself from thinking about the girl he really loves?"

What?

"What? He doesn't know any other girls. Well that I know of"

"No he doesn't...but what other girl does he know Isabella?"

Honestly woman are you that dense?

I am not dense now shut up you can be so annoying.

Hey!

What its true.

But don't forget babes, I am you.

Shut up.

Ha ha!

"Oh come on the only other girl he knows is...."

"Yes?"

Mikey is looking at me like waiting for some big moment.

But no...he couldn't I mean he is with miss nasty.

"No he couldn't"

"Bells think about it...he got with her the same day Bob asked you out."

"No he doesn't. Trust me I know."

"And how would you know that?"

"Because on that day I asked him to kiss me and he didn't."

"What?!"

"Yeah he just walked away and I knew he didn't feel the same way that I do."

"the way you do?.."

Shit I slipped. Well it might as well be Mikey I tell. We were closer. And I could trust him.

"I love him Mikey. I hate myself for loving him because I am with Bob and he is so sweet."

"Then if you love Gerard why are you with Bob?"

"Because I think he can make me happy and maybe who knows I might be able to love him."

"Bella...you are hurting him. I mean you love Gerard but giving false hope to Bob by being with him."

"I know he is too sweet and caring. I just want to make him happy."

"Lying to him won't make him happy."

"I know but I won't break up him, he makes me feel normal. Like I am not some girl that has amnesia."

"Oh hun. But you know its wrong."

"I know but I won't leave him Mikey. I can't."

"Well, I guess there is no reasoning with you."

"No there isn't. But thanks Mikes for being here for me. Through everything."

"Anytime. I have come to think of myself as the spiritual advisor for the band."

Lol

"Well Mikey way you are a great one at that. And I love you."

"I love you too sis. I will always be here no matter what."

"Promise?"

"I promise, you can always depend on me."

"Thanks big brother."

"Anytime little sister."

It was nice to know that Mikey will always be there.

But somewhere deep down I knew he was right.

I was hurting Bob more and more by giving him false hope of us having a future together.

But I didn't want to let go.

Because being alone and watching Gerard be with Alexis was more pain that a could bare.