This is How I Disappear

I have found you and I won't lose you

I was getting ready for the guy's show. And I just found myself staring at the charm bracelet. Just trying to remember, trying to remember everything.

But I can't. I can't remember everything only that I am a twin, my "mother" hated me, my father died, and yet I can't remember how everything came to be. How I got here, how that woman became like that, how my father died, how he looked like, and how me and Matt survived everything. I can't remember but a part of me didn't want to at the same time.

Did I want to?

I don't know.

I don't know anything anymore.

So I just sat there with my charm bracelet in my hands.

I stared at it until a voice pulled me out of my chain of thought.

"Baby, you did know him didn't you?"

I started to tear up.. there is no use in trying to hide it.

"Yeah."

"What is he an ex boyfriend trying to get you back? Huh Isabella? Is he?!"

Whoa. Who knew Gerard was the jealous type?

"What?! NO!"

"Then who was he then?"

"He-he is..fuck my life!"

"WHO WAS HE ISABELLA?!"

"HE IS MY TWIN BROTHER YOU JEALOUS IDIOT!!!"

"What?"

I have never been yelled at by Gerard ever.

I didn't like it.

"He is my brother. My twin brother Matt. He is name is Matthew Julien James. And he is my brother."

"How? Do you remember everything?"

"No. I know that he is my brother. I know that."

"Oh Bells..I am...I am..."

I couldn't help but tear up.

"I am going for a walk. Don't follow me I will be at the stage when you guys are on. Just leave me alone for a while."

I grabbed my shades and bolted for the door.

I didn't want to see anyone right now.

I just wanted everything to process.

He yelled at me.

I don't like to be yelled at.

It reminds me of her.

It reminded me of that part of the things I wanted to never remember.

Things I hated to remember.

All the misery and pain is all I remember.

The only good thing is Matt.

He took care of me through everything.

And here he is. He found me.

But I don't want to go back.

I will not go back to that.

I would rather die than go back to that.

"Its Bella Black!! Hey can we have your autograph?!"

Slap on a fake smile girl and sign some autographs. It will make you feel better.

Yeah maybe.

"Yeah sure whats your name kid?"

"Its Fred."

I did this and posing for pictures for a good solid 30 minutes.

I helped but not much.

But it wasn't until an old familiar voice found me, that reminded me of what was going on in my head.

"Hey sis."

"Hey everyone I have to go. Enjoy the show. And you. You come with me."

"Alright."

I grabbed his hand and lead him somewhere no one could hear or see us.

"Why are you here? How did you find me?"

"Hey easy killer. I didn't expect to find you. I thought....I thought that."

"You thought that what Matt?"

"I thought that you were dead."

"Its been almost a year since you disappeared, that vile woman just said that you were dead. And I believe her. You never came back. So I took off and I left. And I never looked back. Not once."

"What are you doing here then?"

"I was just passing through. I go everywhere. But back home. I cant go back there. Maybe when she dies but not now. But I have to warn you. If she knows that you are alive. She will find you by any means necessary and she will drag you back kicking and screaming. So I beg of you please come with me and let me get you somewhere safe."

"what?"

"Please I have to get you out of here."

"No! I am happy here. I have someone that loves me and guys who are like brothers to me. I am not leaving anybody."

"But she."

"I don't care. I will deal with her if and when she finds me until then. I am not going anywhere. Matt this is the one good thing that is going for me. Please don't ask me to sneak off and leave that. Please. All I can think of is misery and pain. And when I look into Gerard's eyes I forget everything. All the nightmares stop, all the screaming and blood stop. So I am not going anywhere. I am not leaving the love of my life. And I am not leaving my other brothers. You got it?"

"well missy stubborn as usual but I understand. But that doesn't mean I am just going to abandon you here. Look I don't have a home or address or anything but I do have a cell and here is the number if you need anything or just want to talk to me. Just call okay?"

He hugged me. It was nice.

"I better get going. I am off to New York to check out the sights and maybe thinking of settling somewhere around there or New Jersey."

He turned to leave but I had to ask

"Wait Matt!"

"Yeah? Can I ask you two things?"

"Yeah sure sis ask."

"Well one what is my real name?"

"It's Allison. Allison Hayley James."

"And ummm...how did our dad look like?"

"He looked like us. We are splitting images of our dad. I love that. But here if you are having a hard time remembering what he looked like."

He handed me a photograph. It seemed worn but still in good shape.

It was the three of us outside of some venue waiting in line for a concert.

We had smiles on our faces.

And he was right. We did look like our dad.

Same hair, eyes, skin color, even our smiles.

"Thanks Matt."

"I love you baby sis. More than anything. And keep in touch please. I thought I lost you. A piece of me went missing, and I don't want to lose you again. So please call me when ever you can"

"You are only older by five mintues."

"You remember?"

"Yeah I remember that. And don't worry Matty I will call. I have found you too and I won't lose you. I love you too."

He hugged again and he walked off.

He started to sing.

He sang a beatles song until I could no longer hear him.

I smiled to myself.

"I love you bro."