Unknown feelings

Painful past

Nilu Ravenheart that is my full my name. After I ran from home I stopped using it in order to forget all the bad things that happened. Now that I think about it I know why my parents decided to name me after my mother. The surname actually has a deeper meaning. It is made out of two nouns. Raven and heart. The raven represents the natural black hair that has been in my mother's family for generations, while the heart represents general kindness of the person. I have my mother's black hair and when I was younger I used to be the definition of kindness itself. But then one day my mother was taken away from me. I remember it like it was yesterday.

"Is Mommy going to be alright?" I ask my shaking father as I stand in the hospital hallway holding my white bunny plushie close to me.

"Yeah, sweetheart Mommy is going to be fine the doctors are going to fix her." he smiles at me and places a hand on my shoulder. I was seven years old, but even at that time I knew he was lying.

"I am sorry, but there is simply nothing we can do." the doctor apologizes and my father falls to the ground.

"She was healthy! Why did it come back!? They said she was going to be alright! Then why?" He yells out loudly the volume of his yell only showing the true colour of denial.

"We are sorry, but this rare kind of disease your wife is infected with first appeared after the birth of your daughter, and since the human immune system is at it's weakest during childbirth your wife never had the chance to fully recover." Doctor says and leaves. The entire hallway turns silent as I look at my kneeling father, tears streaming down my eyes as I desperately hold my plushie for comfort.

"So in the end...it is your fault." My father says as he stands up from the hospital floor. He turns around with a look of pure hatred on his face. Right now I understand how he saw me. Like a monster that killed the one he cared about the most. I yell out in pain as he slaps me with his right hand. I fall down to the ground hitting my head in the process. I place my hand on my burning red cheek as I try to understand why my father just slapped me. And from that day it only got worse and worse. My entire back is scarred.

"Are you ready to continue Nilu?" Asriel asks me as I open my eyes. I remember the words of the masked woman. She will judge me. And when she does I want to be ready. 

"Yeah, let's keep going until I fall to the ground exhausted!" I yell out as my hands get covered in the familiar rainbow colored energy.

"That's the spirit." Asriel smiles.

"Now then, bring it on!" I yell out as the energy shapes into a form of a thin sword.

"If that's what you wish." Asriel adds as his black and white swords appear in his hands.

I have set a goal for myself and I will use every ounce of determination that I have to overcome it. The feeling of the Fox coming for you.....fills you with determination.