Memoirs of a Broke B*tch

Back to School Shenanigans

8/5/16

Don't go to college, y'all.

(Jk.) Am I? Am I really?

Usually, when school starts back up, I make a whole list.

1. Go to all of my classes.

2. Keep my grades up.

3. Be more social.

4. Practice my sign language (long story).

5. Pretty much step my game up.

By October, I've missed three lectures, I start slacking off, say FUCK sign language, and give up the whole social thing.

It's hard for me to be all social and whatever, because I'm not quite sure when I can release the weird. All my closest friends have known me for a good while. Over time, they're like "wow she's the best thing since sliced bread and jesus."

Okay, maybe not jesus. That's a little much.

I wish I were one of those hoes who could just be their true selves whenever someone talks to them. But alas, no :(.

As you may know, I signed up for a single room at the same time as my roommate, right? 'K, so a few days later, she gets this email saying she got hers. I didn't get one. So, I'm all heartbroken and whatever, and then boom! On May 7th, here comes the lady telling me, that, yes, I did have to room with someone. However, it was with this girl I used to have a crush on. We'll call her Jade. I, myself didn't have much of a relationship with Jade. I just thought she was krute and so, naturally, I just tried to avoid her. Anyway, I ended up having some classes with her and she never paid me any real attention. Her friends, though, just weren't feeling me at all. I'm not sure why, because I didn't do anything to them. I had barely talked to them. I'm real quiet and shit so I would basically just be to myself. I'm so sorry if you can't relate, girl, but sticking to yourself is quite relaxing. I don't know, I guess loud hoes are all the rage now.

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO GETTING TO KNOW PEOPLE, DOE?! Don't you know? Quiet people are usually the most intriguing! I'M INTRIGUING AS FUCK! Nah, but seriously, they couldn't take my paying-them-dust.

Anyway, so after a few days of laughing incredulously, texting my friends, and debating on whether I should email her, I just went ahead and emailed her like "hey, girl, we got roomed together. let's decide on who is bringing what." She responded like "I requested a single, so I'm not even sure if I'll be having a roomie."

So, then I got to thinking. "It's probably not gonna work out." Because, first of all, how the fuck did this happen? Anyway, nervous wreck Alb was like *GASP* "SHE ASKED FOR A ROOMIE FRESHMAN YEAR, DOE!!" See, on the first day, I noticed Jade right away. And then, later, I passed by her room, and saw that we had matching blankets. That's when I just knew we'd be besties. Anyway, that didn't happen lol.

Anyway, as part of the early-bird college thing, we all had to be together for the most part. Well, on the second day, we had to play some game using our hands. Remember, we're a deaf school, so we use our hands for everything. Anyway, what happened was, in the middle of a game, lots of people were moving around while I was trying to get through. I accidentally slapped Jade's ass. I apologized and thought she wanted to kill me, lol. I actually don't know, because I didn't dare look at her for a good while after that. Anyway, that night, she moved dorms. I thought it was because of me, at first. Nah, she just wanted a roommate like everyone else.

Jumping forward a year, I was like "why would she want a single, NOW?!"

So, I texted my friends in panic like "omg, bruh, it's happening again". I had a roomie problem pretty much most of freshman year. After a flawless roommate in sophomore year, the LAST thing I wanted was to deal with more FUCKING roomie drama.

But then, literally a few days ago, I thought about it. It didn't occur to me that she could have had roomie problems, too. She told me some shit about "medical" problems, and I wasn't sure if she was BSing me, or telling the truth.

After a while, I was like "fuck it, whatever happens, happens." and a fucking single opened up for me. It's in a freshman dorm. It's a dry dorm, but I don't drink or smoke, so I mean, it isn't a big deal. So, that's a little annoying, but the last I checked, it's a floor that doesn't house that many people. I think it's a spare floor for hoes that wanted their own room. And here's how I came to terms with it. Fuck, if Jade wants to be the homie, she could still visit me.

The End.

I'm gonna insert a picture of when I tweeted about slapping Jade's ass, so you'll know I'm telling the truth, Ruth! I'm embarrassed that I was so happy about it, but I couldn't believe it happened. I've matured, though.