Memoirs of a Broke B*tch

Ugh.

5/18/17

This is how I know feelings aren't a choice.

Remember how I told y'all about like a current huge crush I had on somebody in my freshman year? Well, since the start of my junior year, I've pretty much been trying to get over it. It's really annoying for me at this point to think about her  😂. It's like fam, she never even gave you the time of day and probably was giggling along with the rest of the hoes that had so much to say about you. So, normally I do okay trying to think of other stuff and as of late, my possible transfer to another school. By the way, these two topics are completely unrelated. I all of a sudden got fed up with my school, nothing to do with her.

Anyway, these days I don't even see her in person. I just try SO hard to get over these old crushes because they're really stupid and I'm old af like how does it look to still call myself having a "crush"? I don't even want anyone to look at me for too long, let alone be all up on me should they find me attractive 😂. Nigga, now I see her on social media. JUST F MY WHOLE LIFE, RIGHT? F THE WHOLE THANG, HUH?
I was doing so good. Now even though I think she would die before letting the public know we are friendly (aka send/accept a friend request) somehow I can't bring myself to block her. What did she do to deserve that, right? Anyway, girl, this is me, still trying to forget that she even exists lmao. Which idk how that's ever gonna happen cuz us and a whole bunch of other hoes are tagged in class photos.

I try to distract myself with happy thoughts, like actually taking my ass to this new school, meeting cute studs, seeing more beautiful dreads. But even that gets me down after awhile because my aunt doesn't want me to transfer, my credits situation is up in the air rn, probably gonna delay my graduation even further andddd my head hurts to even friggin think about scholarships. So then I get even more annoyed at the thought of having to return to my current fuckass school which is part of the reason for my delayed graduation IN THE FIRST GODDAMN PLACE. The MOST annoying part is, bitch, if I go back to school, I'm gonna probably have to start my Times-I-Thought-About-Her clock over again! Universe, help me out, girl. Sheesh.