Memoirs of a Broke B*tch

random af

Since I've been back at school, I feel a little meh.

More irritable than usual. Or is it the usual and I'm just now coming to grips with it?

I went to a few classes. Had to speak in two of them, but one of them is so small, I will have to participate or get this B 'cause participation will definitely help or hurt your grade.

I mean why do professors have a participation clause? I'm not going to talk if I don't want to. That doesn't scare me, lmao. I don't even think it's hurt my grade in a significant way yet, soooo..

Also why are there attendance clauses? Never mind if I come into class or not. Is my work done? Am I slaying these exams? Yes? Okay, so what is the big deal for me not coming in sometimes?

I feel like if i were a professor, I would not have that clause in there. If you don't wanna come to class, I don't want you in there messing everyone else's day up with your bad attitude, lol. Maybe I would give extra points to whoever showed up and no one would know. 

I have a wellness class, and it looks like we will have to do some physical activities in there... I ain't ask for none of that bullshit. let me come in here, you lecture to me, and then i leave and take my out of shape ass to my dorm. I gotta trek across damn campus and then climb four flights of stairs. i get enough exercise already.

my birthday's in about a month. not sure how to go about that. i always feel weird on my birthday. especially now because i try not to make it a thing. like usually i don't mention it and then other people act shocked when they realize it passed. like did it really matter? hmm? at least i don't have to go to class on my birthday this year. last time i can remember being in class on my birthday was like, 2015 when i had like 8 million assignments due and had to sit amongst people i didn't really like in a class i didn't like with a teacher that got on my damn nerves.

the aziz ansari mess has me a lil bit upset. like did he coerce this girl to have sex with him or is she lying? like i don't wanna call an accuser a liar, but i REALLY hope he didn't overstep his boundaries.

speaking of aziz, his co-star lena waithe is kinda "hot". like i can't decide if i would let her  hit. probably. she's cool but has one of those faces that i'm unsure if i like or not. 

i don't get how ginuwine made a media storm when he didn't kiss some random white lady on television, to make a point. he said "hey, girl. i'm just not into trans women romantically." what's wrong with that? if he changes his mind, that'll happen on its own accord. lemme tell you though, that lady wasn't gon be the one to turn him out-- she doesn't look good. i don't mean like she "doesn't pass", but she just didn't look attractive, period. 

IMO someone that is _____-phobic would not be laying under a blanket in close proximity to them in a lax manner, such as Ginuwine was with that lady. He just ain't into the T girls, and that's okay. You'll find a finer dude who is. Ain't the end of the world.

my laptop charger has a short in it. so does my cellphone charger.  great.

i wish i had taken the time to actually get to know people at school before just deciding i didn't want anything to do with them. now i'm mostly bored when i feel lonely. it's not that often, but it sucks when it does happen. would make school go by so much easier. DEFINITELY think i would have had a couple close friends by now if i had gone mainstream instead. can't wait to confirm this theory.

one of my professors reminds me of the bitchy professor i had a couple semesters ago. i only call her bitchy because she almost flunked me because i didn't care to talk to  her ass on a conference call with my partner in a project all day. why would i subject myself to that abuse, voluntarily??

tomorrow i'm gonna be in class all day. that ought to be a damn experience.

hopefully all my class courses that remain in my academic planner are available next semester. i'd hate to have to pause my degree because none of my classes are available. i'm tempted on emailing my advisor, asking her about this. if not, i may pick up an extra class. i hate being in class, but i hate calling myself a student of a university and retreating to classes where i barely understand anything, even more. 

youtube out here demonitizing hoes. i had an idea for a probably eventually viral video but i'm probably not even going to do it b/c they have all these rules now. too bad. it'd def be a money maker, IMO.

i'm in one of those moods where i don't really feel like talking. idk how it comes off as. mad? irritated? i'm neither. i'm meh.

my hair is at the bottom of my neck in terms of lengths. i measured it. most of the bottom locs measure around 11.5-12 inches. the top ones measure around 8. can't wait to see what it'll look like in May. maybe i should take a picture of it today, to compare at the end.

i gotta go pick my mom up and bring her home from the bus station on friday. i'm a lil annoyed because i hate bringing my suitcase with me cuz it's usually heavy AF. but this time it won't be and at least i get to see my mom. 

i keep having dreams where i'm with a friend or girlfriend or  something involving companionship. usually, i'm cool going without it, but it's literally all i see, ANYWHERE i go. like.....  universe.. either give me a bae, or stahp with the displays of bestfriendery/baeship. thanks, girl. love you.

i think i want more piercings. it's funny because i went a good two years proclaiming i was done with them. but nope. i don't think I am. i wanna add to the collection.

still on the hunt for a new laptop. hopefully i can get something new, soon. this one has been annoying to me since i got it, but at least it works. that much i can be grateful for.

still don't know how to drive. less terrified, and more annoyed that i waited so long. so many firsts i haven't tried yet. it's kind of irritating 'cause its looked at as a flaw if you haven't yet to do it yet.

even though i kind of lament about not having companionship, i should be happy that i have yet to experience heartbreak from it. honestly, i think it would really ... not break me... 'cause fuck all that, i ALWAYS got me. but it would make me much worse with people than I already am lmao. mess around and REALLY make me antisocial. and celibate. on purpose lmao.

i thought i might feel a lil better if i wrote. i don't think i do but whatever. bye.