Memoirs of a Broke B*tch

SHOOK (x345)!!!

this year i start student teaching. fam. next semester i will be responsible for someone learning something. i cannot. i'm dead, jesus. i'm gone, lawd. i feel so ill-prepared, even though i have a whole semester to go before i start, because i can't remember SHIT. im still unsure of what the hell these people are talking about, and i've made zero attempt to practice my sign. at this point, i've decided to embrace the language so my last year isn't bad but i have zero motivation. at least i've only cried about returning to this school one time this whole summer. 

i have to start looking like a teacher and shit. next week i'm taking a test for a prereq for a class in my major. i think i'll pass in the school's eye this time. i might be able to get to 150, although i need a 145 to pass for the school to keep me in that class.

ugh my head hurts. also i need to wash my hair. i don't think i can go another week lol. 

this semester i think i want to keep up with homework/papers as a way to distract myself. when i can't distract myself, i think too much and ugh it's so trash. i just want to focus on my work because i don't even want to have the possibility of failing on my conscience. 

but i should have switched my damn major jesus english wouldn't have had me THIS stressed out, my lord.

there IS a saving grace, though. although i'm horrified of student teaching and mostly communicating through sign language for this last year of undergrad, but i get to teach in spoken english. so almost no problem, there.

i'm gonna go to grad school elsewhere so i can be absolutely sure college is trash, instead of assuming it is because of MY experience at this ho ass college lmao.

also, how is everyone (out of my friends) snagging people and having children, while me, the most sane, is not? like i know i don't talk to anyone but JEEZ lol. i have cool hair and a cool personality, right? i can't dress for anything but until i get a cute check on a consistent basis, i'm finna be out here waiting for my queen in an oversized shirt and jeans lmfao

no seriously, it's probably because i don't talk. like, at all lmfao. or maybe because everyone else is trash and i'm perfect because my mama said so. yeah, i like that better.

side note: my younger sister has a better love life than me. or worse, considering all the stuff that's happening in hers but it's like, at least she has one!

another side note: don't you hate being the older sibling and your siblings friends come to you, talking about, oh, you're ____'s sister. fuck you. respect your elders, fam. ____ is MY sister. i was here first, respect the birth certificate lmao.