Memoirs of a Broke B*tch

hi.

hey girl. i'm a lil sad. yeah,it's that time of the month for me. i can't imagine y'all care too much about me saying that because y'all basically know all my business anyway. so yeah, a nigga been getting headaches and all the usual jazz. been taking my temperature every day, though. very happy to announce that the trip to Niagra Falls did NOT give me the rona. hallelujah for that, cuz you know a nigga was scared to death. i made sure to stay away from pools. i would have stayed away from restaurants if i could. i managed to avoid it the first night, got cursed out for it, but i had to go the second day.

how is it that i am a whole quarter of a century old and people still feel like they have agency over what i do. the aunt that i do not live with and do not get along with was the one who wanted to force me to go to dinner. i can't wait until i'm on my own, forreal forreal. i can't imagine too many of my family members seeing me more than once every five years and hell, even that might be too often. i just want to be left the fuck alone sometimes. like GIRL.... in a little while it'll be a year since all that stuff went down at her house. i still haven't forgiven either of them for it. i don't think i'm mad about it anymore, really, but it's just a shame that it even happened. the not forgiving part is honestly me trying not to even give any energy to it. like ugh. what kind of family is this lmao. like.....

usually it's my sister who comes to me about how trash the family is and she be acting like she's gonna take herself out this bitch any day now, so i keep all my baggage for my damn self. i try not to add on to whatever she has going on, but they always act like she's so wrong for saying that stuff. i mean, my sister is not perfect, lol. like she definitely does put herself in positions and she does have a mouth on her and all that. but it's like.... those same people have treated me like shit and i did NOTHING to deserve it. shit like that pisses me off. how can you put me through trauma and then act offended when i don't want to be around you? i do not understand it, girl. and i try not to throw around the word "toxic", but honestly, i never really attributed that adjective to my family until very recently lmao. them niggas are toxic. they all have toxic ways about them, i can't even say i don't have any toxic traits, cuz maybe i do. it's just, some of my family members get off by making everybody else's life harder. i try my best to be as pleasant as possible. so, i keep my damn mouth shut. i don't feel like fucking arguing with people i don't care about lmao. like i do NOT be caring lmfao. i can't wait to break apart on my own, i swurrtagawd. the aunt i live with right now is fine. she has some annoying ways about her, but that would be true, period. i get annoyed VERY easily... not mad, annoyed. considering i annoy myself so often, it's impossible for somebody else not to lol. plus, i'm hella old. like, i gotta get outta here into my own space. i don't wanna be like my cousin, still staying with a relative at damn near thirty. she finds away to talk down about other people, too. mess.

anyway, lemme stop talking about them. oh, i also get into random, yet short sad spells because i "deleted" facebook. well, technically, i just deactivated my profile for a while. after that whole thing with miss girl, i got sick of seeing her on my timeline. i didn't wanna delete her though, 'cause technically she didn't do anything to me.... except piss me off lmao. she probably didn't even know what she did. again, i figured i was the only one putting any effort into whatever it was and i was sick of it. i'm so disgusted with how much i shared with her, though. nigga some of that information as stuff i gave up because i thought we were going somewhere lmaooooooo. i can't even remember if she went in as deep as i did. the answer is probably no. so i need to slide my ass onto party city and go into the makeup aisle. i'll need some white, red, and blue makeup. i'll also need to slide into the wig aisle and snatch myself a clown nose cuz clearly that's what i was destined to be. maybe i shoulda went as a clown for halloween. i was off facebook for like a month straight and made sure to let some people know where i was. did i tell y'all about one of my old homies hitting me up out of the blue? well, i left him a message and he got it!!! just to not text a nigga back. mess. total mess. i also hit my other friend up, and she texted me right away. i feel kind of bad because i don't wanna talk to nobody except miss girl. this is ghetto, i thought i was better than this lmfao. but no, i'm sad. still. gross. i had to reactivate for a couple minutes the other day to get a picture of myself from off my family's page. i was scrolling with one eye shut, cuz i was sure seeing her name would trigger my soul. i made it out unscathed. or did i? *eye roll*

look... remember i said i wasn't gonna go on those dating apps? well, i had a moment of weakness and almost downloaded something else. i can't do it lmfaoooooo. i cannot do it, jesus. all it's gon do is piss me the fuck off. they're a scam. i figure i'll go back, eventually, but right now is not it.. 

hmm.... i don't know what else to say now. i'm not as sad as i was before writing. it's four in the morning :). OH! school....

so boom we got the financial situation out of the way. i'm all set for this semester. apparently i gotta get a new tetanus shot cuz the last one they have on file is from 2007. so... i'll get that together once we go back on campus, 'cause, as of today, we are still going to be on campus. so, we were supposed to move in this week. i was supposed to leave wednesday, but they pushed it back to september. so.... basically we finna be in there for like two and a half months. i'm not even mad about it, though, i just need a break from being in the house. at first i was going back to campus, simply because i wanted to see what it would look like with barely anybody there. i guess i had a bit of FOMO- fear of missing out, but this would probably be the first time something like this happened where school was affected, so i wanted to see how my school would handle it. thus far, it hasn't been good, but i still wanna know lmao. so they're gonna fix our room and board rates, so that's gonna be fun. all my classes are online... so i thought. turns out one of 'em is a hybrid class, so it turns out i do have a real reason to be on campus lmao. plus i keep lying to myself, swearing i'll find somebody on campus to fool with. but i would feel like doing all that while a virus is going around lmaoooo. i'm gon have my ass locked up in that room, like always lmao. at least now it's not seen as something crazy. but yeah, i don't have to deal with ANYBODY in my space on campus. i truly prefer being in complete solitude with my own self.

also, i'm gonna study for some tests i gotta take so i can slide into spring semester with my test requirements completed and i can take on a full load of classes in my major. currently i'm in a program and i've been taking the classes in common with both majors. basically the same thing that went down in undergrad, except i'm on it with the quickness this semester. i think i gotta take like three tests? those tests cost big money too, jesus. a mess. but i'll figure it out.

i'm tired and i'm hot and now i'm not sad at all. yay. bye!