Memoirs of a Broke B*tch

I'm Baaaack 😊

Hey, wig! I hope you're in great spirits, 'cause I am! Which is great because it was quite the opposite in these late few entries, Jesus. So, boom, I updated Micki Wall, earlier. Check that out. It was hard to get started again, but I did it!

Remember when I told y'all I was annoyed with somebody 'cause they left me on read and I denounced 'em? Well, she hit me back like a day or two later. I did hit her with a lil shade upon her return, but we have been talking again. Unsurprisingly, my mood has been better. It cracks me up, because I know I went through a mini-self breakup for a little, and now I don't even feel the same. I think, before, I was well on my way to liking her, but after all that, I was like there's clearly nothing there. Clearly. I know I'm not ignoring anybody I like for no week, period. The way she made it sound, it didn't sound like she was real pressed to even check to see what the hell I had said, lmao. So I'm just like, I'll add that L to the collection. And I'll wait on somebody else to tell me they like me before I even allow myself to get to that point. Like one thing I'm bad at is allowing others to know how I truly feel on most things lmao. Like, I don't like feeling like I dropped a lil piece of vulnerability, but it's not reciprocated.

So lately I've been in my 'is God/higher power a thing' phase. I go through that pretty often. 'Cause it's like, I'd love to think that there's an afterlife and all that but.... I don't know. I'm not against it, but also the thought of some higher being watching all this foolery and LETTING injustice go down confuses me. I don't know.

Anyway, I was just thinking about this video I saw of a baby being left out of its swaddle. I don't know what the gender was, but I know it was adorable. I was like "oh, man, I'd be such a great parent". I always tell myself I'm not even close to wanting to actually birth a child and I'm not in a place to go and adopt one lmao. Still, I really could be a great mom. My kid would feel so loved. I feel like I got a lot of love to give. I keep it to myself because if it is mishandled, I do not think it will end well for those who mishandled it. Like, I honestly don't think I could take something like that without doing something drastic to them lmao. Like, I do nothing but spread positivity and make jokes so there's no reason to try me. So when I feel tried, it makes me very angry. Like, very. 'Cause it's like, I don't deserve that. I don't.

It's very annoying, though, to have all this love in my HOART (not heart, hoart) and not have anywhere to put it. Like, a baby would be a great place to pour my love into, but what the fuck do I need one right now for? 😂 Girl. I also think a pet would be a great idea, but as I mentioned before, I'm already thinking of how fucked up I'll be if it dies 'cause on average, we outlive our pets. So, that's another thing. I figure a partner is also another good idea, and my favorite idea out of the bunch. But, I already told you what the tea was on that—- it is not cute for me out here at all. I'm done with apps for now, I'm not looking at anybody at school especially this fucking semester, more on that in just a minute. I'm not on Miss Girl's tail, anymore either. Like... I can't wait til I get snatched up, because I will (in terms of being in a relationship, not getting abducted or some shit, just in case the universe tries to be funny.) They'll realize they lucked up, with me in their corner. I mean, seriously, of course a nigga come with her own set of flaws, I'm not perfect lmao. The number one reason it's not looking cute out in the dating world for me is cuz I don't open my damn mouth and talk to anyone lmfaoooo. And I'm stubborn. But I got a bunch of love to give, and I need an outlet. And I'd prefer that outlet be somebody's black daughter, who is either my age or a couple years older okurrrrrt?! 😂 Also just in case you're actually listening, universe, you can make her rich. Hell. Tired of being poor lmao.

Sooo... about school. So due to the pandemic my school told basically half the school's population to stay home. All I know for sure is that the freshman and seniors are coming back. There's a few other exceptions, and I'm hoping I'm one of them. There was no mention of graduate students anywhere. I live on campus since I live a few hours away, so I'm hoping they'll let me keep my assignment regardless of if my classes are online are not. First of all, I'm very curious about what this is going to look like firsthand, hopefully I'll be able to see and report back here lol. Anyway, this is why I said I would not be looking for anything out of anybody on damn campus. Sounds like it'll be full of teenyboppers and seniors lmao. A bunch of the folks who go to this school were like... that is a horrid idea, 'cause of course the freshman would like to be around the seniors and it's a whole bunch of foolery that could happen there. God bless 'em.
God bless me, honestly. I need the damn prayer lmao.

I think I'm gonna take a social media break, though. Or, it's not so much a break, but I'll just use less of it on the daily. For example, I will never leave Twitter. That's where a nigga get her news, entertainment, and there are so many fine people who decide to share their good looks with us. I'm never leaving. I know when I open Twitter I'ma get a good laugh. No matter how much I like myself, I sometimes find myself comparing myself to other people when I scroll Facebook or Instagram. I tend not to when it comes to twitter and maybe it's because we're all confused about life over there lmao. Also I can pretty much move freely on Twitter. I censor myself on Facebook cuz I got family on there which is why I don't say much of anything cuz I don't need them knowing my damn business..... that's for y'all to know *moves bang*. But seriously. It's kind of hard to look through FB sometimes cuz I compare where I am, to where they are but that's not the right thing to do. They chose their path, and I chose mine. It has pros and cons to it, but I just gotta focus on myself lol. I mean, now is not the time to doubt what I'm doing. I mean, I'm in grad school. I literally signed up for this 'cause it's what I felt I had to do. So boom, now I'm here. I should focus all my attention on that, which is why I said I'm going on my lil SM purge when the semester rolls around. I know I'll feel better once I get rid of FB & Insta.

Before I go, I'm gon leave my number for some folks because I do wanna lee up with them. For example, one of the homies from high school hit me. I was so happy when he hit me cuz it had been hella long! I'll hit some of my other old friends and leave my number and we can talk that way cuz FB is outta here lmao. I never quite shook the desire to deactivate my FB again lol.

Okay, bye!