Memoirs of a Broke B*tch

:)

9/29/16

I thought some more on the double-major-same-department thing. Bruh, I probably have to do DOUBLE the field work. BRUH. And then I think I would have to take TWO PRAXIS tests. Luckily for me, there's a possibility I won't have to pay for it because they give broke hoes a broke, so long as your income is low enough. So if this works it's LIT LIT LIT! LIT LIKE BIC! Bad news is, I might have to graduate a lil later than expected. Hopefully it doesn't come to that, but it might. At first I was a little nervous about that, but then I was like, it's not even a contest lol. People wanna graduate with their friends and all that jazz, but one, I don't have any. And two, graduating later is better than giving up and not doing so at all. 

A few days later....

I have been out of my math class since like 4.... it's 12:30 and I am STILL mad about what happened. First of all, right, my professor couldn't even teach today because we use a captioning service because my teacher uses spoken English at a deaf school, so we were in there for no damn reason. I was already annoyed at that because I ain't have shit to do so I was sitting there looking lost. I don't ever really talk to other people and I can tell there were other hoes that WANTED to talk (not necessarily to me, but wanted to do something other than fucking sit there like a dumbass lmao, which, touche). But I just didn't have anything to talk about other than weird shit and I only get really weird with people I know lol. Can't just SHOWCASE my weird in front of a roomful of "strangers". Anyway, so she finally tells us to get out lol. In the last couple minutes of class, i decided to fucking log into MyMathLab and see what's poppin' for the homework. I discovered that I missed a little meaningless quiz. Cool. I didn't care. So, I try to move on to the next assignment and bitch, wouldn't you know I can't do it unless I do the damn quiz. There's like three assignments I can't do because I can't do the fucking quiz. That's like 3 0s because I missed a quiz that doesn't even mean anything. Wanna know WHY they're gonna be 0s? 'Cause I went up to the professor. I'm like "hey, I ain't do the quiz, and now I can't do anything else on the thing. can you just give me the 0 and lift up the ban so I can do the other stuff?" 

"I can, but I won't."

Now, I don't wanna call her out of her name, but I was OVER her and that damn class at that moment. What the fuck you mean, you can but you won't?! Now I'm panicking and shit, hoping I don't fail the damn course because I can't do shit else because I forgot to do one little measly ass quiz that doesn't even MEAN anything in the long run? Girl, that shit was like 5 questions that I forgot about. Lmao, so I just emailed her and man, i tried my best not to shade her lmao. I tried not to sound like I had an attitude but it's fucking dumb. I halfway don't even care about this dumbass class lol.

I can't even fucking believe I'm back in there, number one. Number two, I was supposed to see somebody about waiving the class but I hesitated on it because I thought I was gonna finally have a friend for the first time after 2 full years at my school. (lmao am I SO trash that I have had no friends at my school? Yes :). More on that later. We just stopped talking all abruptly lmao. Wonder if it's my fault. I had a bad attitude one day and I wasn't really smiling and inviting and shit. Didn't ignore her, but I definitely probably had a bit of a scowl. 

Anyway, back to the not having friends thing. I just don't socialize at all, really. Number one, I'm still pretty "scarred" from what happened in my freshman year. Talked to plenty people, and most of them talked about me negatively to whoever would listen. Just because I wasn't as outgoing as them. Just because I wasn't doing dumb shit with them. Girl, just because I preferred staying to myself. I hope I'm not making myself seem too self-important but there were people definitely NOT pressed to talk to me at all lmao. Lol, see, if I were Rihanna bad, it wouldn't matter. I could downright curse them out and they'd still be drooling like a dog. But since I don't look like them, they act like me staying to myself is the worst thing ever. Ugh, it's so easy to be friends with people over the internet, i swurrtagawd. 

I don't know what is going on with me, but I seem to really want friendship these days. I didn't really care before, but now I'm really questioning my flaws and what is putting people off about me? Is it my ear? (I'm partially deaf so I go to a deaf school where everyone generally looks "normal" whilst I have an actual birth defect and so one of my ears looks like a butterfly wing lmao). Bitch, did you know last night I had a dream about having a girlfriend? I've never been pressed to deal with other people romantically because I wanna make sure I have all my shit right first. And the dream was so cool. I ain't feel any sense of loneliness or anything. Smh, time for some more deep reflection.....

Sidenote: --you would think in a school where everyone has the same "disability", they'd make it a point not to point out OTHER people's disabilities lol.

ok bye I'm pressed and tired and I gotta get up early plus I gotta do this dumbass project thing... my life's a damn mess bye