The Hogwarts Game

B

With so many things to look forward to this year, including your prophecy, hanging out with the Weasley twins, and checking up on that Slytherin boy (purely for spying purposes), you decide it's not worth the risk of getting expelled from Hogwarts and pull out your bow and arrow to take aim. 

"What is this thing?!" shouts Gale. You explain to him what it is and tell him that you just need it to expose its belly, knowing that's a vulnerable spot. You figure maybe enough arrows in there could destroy it. 

"I'll do it!" Gale is all too eager to help you out and is about to jump onto the skrewt's back. 

"Careful! That thing has spikes on its back!" you scream at Gale, and he gives you a thumbs up as he tosses himself on the hard shell of the skrewt. 

Just when you're about to bend down to get a better angle at the skrewt's belly, Peeta now jumps to your side. "I can't let you risk your life!" he says. 

"What?! We have to kill that thing, Peeta! I'm the only one who knows how." 

You find the spot that's sure to be his soft belly and shoot one, then two arrows into it. The monster makes a weird, painful sound and drops down on the ground, dead. Or so you think. 

Gale jumps off and starts pushing Peeta. Peeta pushes back. And then the two go at it, arguing about who's the better man for you. Who's taller. Who's kinder. Who smells better. Who hunts more. This is all incredibly strange, because you had no idea either of them liked you that way at all. 

You're so distracted in trying to stop these two blithering idiots from taking whacks at each other that you don't realize the blast-ended skrewt is actually not dead and is now pointing it's fire-filled end in your direction. 

KATNISS, GALE, AND PEETA ARE BURNED TO A CRISP. ALL THE FAMILIES MOURN THEIR DEATHS. PRIM IS NOT SURPRISINGLY PICKED IN THE FOLLOWING YEAR'S REAPING, GETS KILLED IN THE CORNUCOPIA AND PANEM CONTINUES WITH MANY MORE HUNGER GAMES FOR YEARS TO COME, ALL MUCH TO THE DELIGHT OF PRESIDENT SNOW.