Winter Hearts

While Siana Plays Ball

The bus lurched out of the olive groves on to the main road that led to town. Leo looked out to see the entrance to a large cemetery nestled against the foot of a small hill to their right. They passed a school and he saw a group of boys on the basketball court. The tall blonde one caught his eye, as he was hugging a girl whose hoodie obscured her face. He could see her pony tail of straight dark hair as it spilled out onto her shoulder. She pulled back as the blonde guy straightened out his jacket, beaming at her proudly.

"Hey, we should play basketball," Ken exclaimed. Everyone got excited, staring out at the kids on the court, but then they passed by and didn't see the game start.

Leo looked down at his phone. Besides his family, the only physical contact he had with others was with the boys, or with people he worked with. He thought back to times when he was still in school, dating. He smirked. What did he know of caring for someone back then?

N nudged him. He looked up to see that annoying face that always seemed to know so much. He kept his expression impassive. Finally he asked, "What?"

"Your thoughts are all over your face. Don't you know what I'm thinking?"

"Will you leave me alone if I ask?"

"Never, sweet child," N said, suddenly putting his arms around Leo and gripping him in a deadlock, arms pinned by his sides. Leo let him waggle him back and forth, closing his eyes in resignation.

"I love how you hug me back, it makes me feel so good." N smiled at him. He snorted, a small smile curling up his lip.

"Leo-hyung, you cannot encourage this behaviour, it spreads to all of us," said Hyuk from the back.

"You are the worst one, Hyuk," N said, fixing him with a glare.

"I learned from the best," Hyuk said. N smiled, smug and happy.

"Ten points for Hyukkie!" N released Leo and looked at him with eyebrows raised. Leo smiled a little. He knew N was trying to lighten his mood. All the big gestures, the teasing, the cringey behaviour... N only did it for someone else's benefit. The more teaseable N was, the less heat others got. It was the way he worked. Leo himself knew he had escaped some situations he didn't want to be in because N had noticed, and under the pretence of trying to grab the limelight, had turned the focus away from him. For someone who put himself out there as self-aggrandising and narcissistic, N was really surprisingly observant and knew how to handle situations and people just right. Unlike himself, who couldn't read people and had trouble keeping up with the changes in tone in his everyday exchanges with others. He felt he had learned a lot from N, and at the very least, felt grateful to him.

"I'm okay, just tired."

"And sad and depressed and feeling like you will never know the heat of love again?"

Hyuk and Ken started hooting from the back.

"Did someone say love?" Hongbin asked sleepily as he stared out the window with dead eyes. Ravi laughed at him. N stood up and leaned against the seat in front, facing the boys to make sure everyone was listening.

"Listen, children! We're all doing this to work, and as luck would have it, we seem to like each other and work well together. Love has to take a back seat for now, right? There are many ways to handle feelings of loneliness, like having good friends, channeling our energies into creativity, establishing good professional relationships for the benefit of our future, learning our way through life and up the ladder of success-"

Hyuk and Ken were nodding their heads like obedient students, while Ravi and Hongbin looked at each other and smirked. They were all playing along with N, who was reciting the same old spiel he rolled out whenever he was in pep-talk mode. It was an in-joke that only their little group understood: Know It All N, who really was a know it all and could make fun of himself about it anyway.

Hyuk put up his hand and interrupted N, all innocent eyes and seriousness.

"But hyung, how do we handle all those other things, like butterflies in the stomach, and twitching muscles, and itchy lips and fingers, and-"

Ken and the others started sniggering. They knew what he was referring to. Their natural physical urges that often visited. They were young males after all. But Hyuk kept the deadpan face, looking at N for the answer. N smiled knowingly and nodded.

"Ah, yes, those physical feelings, like feeling nervous, or itchy, or all twisty up inside, which sometimes come when you are thinking of girls, or being with a girl, or GETTING MARRIED too soon and spoiling all our plans for Vixx, right?"

Ravi and Hongbin started laughing. Leo couldn't help but smile. N continued.

"Well, by their everyday behaviour I already know that Ken and Ravi have very good ideas about how to handle those physical feelings. Even Hongbin, but he is not a dirty sort of boy like them. Even our Leo here," he gripped Leo's shoulder for effect. Leo doubled over as if in pain. "...may have some good advice about what to do when you feel so overcome by the natural physical symptoms of love that it's as if you feel your whole self is going to explode out of your body, right Leo-ssi?"

Leo nodded, giggling, as he tried to disengage N's deathgrip on his shoulder, who then put his other hand on his other shoulder and started pushing him back and forth, establishing a rhythm, like he was kneading dough, or something. Leo alternated between putting his hands up as a barrier between them and trying to lever off the pincer-like grip N had on him.

"You see, when I get those feelings, Hyukkie, and you should listen carefully now, it would be natural to try to take matters into my own hands, you know?"

Ravi and Ken were cackling, and Hongbin had his face buried in Ravi's shoulder as he shook silently with laughter.

"But I realise that this isn't a problem I should handle on my own, that I need help and I should turn to someone or something that will help soothe my body and de-stress me. You hear me, boys?"

N looked down at Leo as he pushed him back into the seat, leaning over him ominously. Leo was giggling, but red with the humiliation he was dishing out. N smiled menacingly for effect, although inside he was happy that he was cheering Leo up.

"This is why I make candles and arrange flowers! Okay?!" He finally finished with a groan, his eyes crazy, as he let go of Leo and let him fall back into his seat. Hyuk let out a roar of laughter and the boys in the back fell about laughing. N flopped into his seat next to Leo as if he was spent, then whacked him gently in the chest. Leo looked at him with his twinkling half-moon eyes as he grinned.

"You think too much, friend," N said quietly, still smiling. Leo nodded, the smile still lingering. He turned to face out the window, enjoying the gentle silence that often followed their bouts of laughter. It was as if they had exercised an old muscle, and relaxation was settling in.

He caught a glimpse of the sea as they turned into a small road and stopped outside the building they were going to spend the next few weeks in. He got out of the bus and stretched his long legs, breathing in the fresh cold sea air.

He looked around as all the boys trundled out of the bus. N stood next to him and smiled.

"Now you know why I have sooo many candles," he said with a big smile.

Ravi laughed aloud and put his arm around N as they walked in.

"Candle-making sounds fun," he laughed.

Hyuk thumped Leo on his back as he walked by.

"Hyung, I still don't understand, maybe you can shed more light for me?"

Leo kicked him as he walked on, and missed. He let momentum carry him forward into the building.