Winter Hearts

When Siana Smiles

They walked to Miami, Leo pushing the bike for her, even though it was too low for him to be comfortable. The sun was low in the sky but it was still bright and the sky was clear.

They sat at an outside table and ordered with Affendi some coffees and mezze, or pikilies - small snack plates with cheese and olives. Leo realised he hadn't eaten lunch yet. The tiny plates looked too pitifully small for him, but he supposed he would be having dinner soon.

Siana touched his arm briefly, and he turned to look at her.

"Are you really okay? I didn't hurt you, did I?"

He nodded, letting out a shy laugh. She kept watching him, as if to make sure he wasn't just pretending for her benefit. He felt as if his ears were burning, and he went to pick up a snack to munch, then felt a little too self-conscious to do so, so he put his hand back in his lap. She thought he was being polite, so she sat up and pushed the plate closer to him.

"Please, eat."

When he didn't, she picked up a piece of cheese and popped it into her mouth, chewing happily.

Siana closed her eyes and turned her face up towards the sky, a small smile playing on her lips. Leo picked up a of cheese and put it into his mouth. It was still quiet, but Leo could hear cars driving now and the sound of children playing as the town began to come back to life. He watched her for a moment, then did the same as she did, closing his eyes against the light of the sun as it was beginning to set, and feeling a small chill breeze play across his features as he chewed.

He heard her clear her throat, so he peeked out of one eye to see her, only to find she was squinting up at him with a wide smile. He smiled back. He was beginning to feel awkward that he had nothing to say.

She seemed totally at ease, though. She kept chewing, thoughtfully.

"It's nice to sit in silence, isn't it?" She said, looking out at the calm sea. "Very calming."

"Quiet is good," he ventured.

"Is it easy living with five other people?" she asked, taking a sip of her coffee.

"I'm used to living with other people. I don't know what it is like to live alone," he answered, shrugging.

"I'm the only child. At home it's just me and my mother. Here, I even have my own place. I like it, taking care of myself."

"Isn't it lonely?" Leo asked. He liked being alone, but he knew there was always someone willing to hang out, whether he was home with his family or back in the dorm. Whenever it got too much, he just walked out of his room and joined the group.

"I spend the whole day with people, usually. I don't feel lonely at all. Anyway, being alone is not the same as being lonely."

Leo nodded, knowing what she meant. 

Sometimes, he felt exhausted just being with people in the same room. Too much noise, too many opinions, too much stimulus. 

But most times, the silence made him depressed. 

Siana continued, chatting comfortably. As he listened, he realised that something had changed between them, as if a wall had dropped away. Perhaps it was because she had knocked him down, and they had passed some threshold which by necessity did away with all pretences and self-consciousness. Somewhere between Hongbin leaving them on the court to sitting down at the outdoor table, Siana had decided she felt at ease with him. 

Or perhaps he had decided he felt at ease with her.

"I have a tonne of relatives. I teach a bunch of noisy kids. There is always music or dance going on. So, I don't mind being around lots of people. But to be honest, the best part of meeting up with all my friends, is the walk I take alone to get there, or the quiet time I have getting home."

Siana laughed, a merry twinkle in her eye.

"Isn't that funny? Meeting up with people just so I can enjoy the moments before and after?"

Leo felt extraordinarily charmed by her words, and her sweet laughing eyes. 

He felt she had encapsulated perfectly what he had always found difficult to articulate: that feeling that there were certain moments in life made sweeter by the events that came before and after. Contrast. Shade. Perspective.

Except, she saw being alone as positive, whilst he saw it as negative. She recharged in her down time, he recharged surrounded by people. He guessed that, while she seemed more cheerful and outgoing, she was truly an introvert; whilst he, who seemed more reluctant and shy in a crowd, actually depended on the energy of others, as an extravert.

He supposed this was why he came alive onstage, and seemed to become a different person. It was a mix of acting and performance that was required of him, but also a sort of catharsis for his psyche, to become the domineering stage persona that he did. 

It was as much a part of him as him being unable to chitchat comfortably with strangers.

He responded to her chuckle, smiling as his eyes dropped to her lips, which were a cherry red from all the exercise. They curved upwards over her teeth, one of which was slightly crooked in front, giving her smile a sweetness he had never seemed to notice in all the beautiful girls he worked with back home.

Perhaps it was her slightly exotic look, perhaps it was all the events that had taken place that day. 

He didn't know exactly what it was, but he had a sudden and powerful urge to lean forward and taste her mouth with his lips.