Winter Hearts

Coffee Encounter

The boys had an awkward tussle as Hongbin tried to lever his arm out of Leo's grip.

Hongbin finally broke away and hurried to walk next to Siana, while Leo hung back a little.

In his mind, Leo kept playing back that moment when Siana looked at his lips, turned red, then gasp as she looked up at him with an expression full of... he couldn't name it, but whatever it was, it stirred something inside of him. 

Which didn't matter in the end, because she was obviously scared by him and couldn't wait to get away from him.

Leo wished he hadn't reacted so stiffly, causing that strange tension in the air. He knew Hongbin had gallantly helped Siana keep on her feet, but he felt more than a little disturbed seeing his friend's hands on Siana. 

He had wanted to shout at him to get them off.

And then she had caught his angry expression and there wasn't much he could do without revealing the source of his discomfort. He couldn't very well tell Hongbin to get his hands off her.

He felt Hongbin was trying to make something happen, which he didn't like. He felt forced into the situation, and he wasn't ready. Plus, he had unthinkingly given Siana the impression he was angry, when truly he was concerned for her. And then unhappily irritated by Hongbin's unwelcome attentions.

He walked behind them sullenly. He felt like an ass, unable to lighten the mood and having to depend on Hongbin's easy grace to smooth things over. He watched as Siana slowly relaxed under Hongbin's cheerfulness. Leo felt jealous. He wanted to be the one who could do that. He knew he was his own source of anguish at that moment. He just had to let go, but didn't know how.

He thought of N's words, to trust himself.

He felt he could see a little more of what he had meant by that. He was too caught up in what she might think of him that he didn't realise she might like his concern. But somehow, by instinct, his walls went up before he knew it, and he kept them up with his self-doubts and second-guessing.

He decided he wanted to be free of that. After all, it wasn't as if they were going to end up being anything more than acquaintances, maybe even friends, with the little time they had. He had shared a delightful moment of silliness with her that morning, why couldn't he have more of that? 

All he had to do was let go.

He slowly caught up, walking on the other side of her, listening to her pointing out things to notice to Hongbin. She hadn't realised he was by her side. Hongbin did of course, and he began finding interest in the shop windows as they were passing. In the lull of the conversation, Leo took the opportunity to ask Siana quietly, if she was alright.

She turned, her bright eyes looking up at him. She nodded, smiling. Then she looked ahead and pointed, saying they had arrived. He began to smell the aroma of roasting coffee.

She slowed to park her bike, and he watched as she expertly used the pedal to prop the bike against the kerb so that it stood upright with its tyres in the gutter. He liked the trick, and liked it even more that she did it smoothly. It signalled a certain repetitive part of her life which spoke of who she was: someone who loved to get about in her community on two wheels. It was these sorts of small gestures and actions which created what people felt was home to them. It made him think of days out on the bike in a friendly neighbourhood. She turned to him and spoke excitedly.

"I think you will really like this."

She went to the door of the tiny shop and pushed it to go in. He heard Hongbin's excited gasp just as he looked into the clear glass window front of the shop and saw a gigantic copper roasting machine.