Winter Hearts

Crescendo

Siana took the lift up to her apartment and let herself in, exhausted. She stripped her outer clothes off and got into the shower, shivering with the unheated water, but feeling like she needed it badly. She roughly shampooed her hair and rinsed it, running conditioner through it before soaping up her body. The cold water made it harder for the conditioner to rinse out, so she simply let the water rain down on her head as she cleaned herself.

She had come to a very simple conclusion after her conversation with her father: if he was okay, she was okay.

She knew the same would go for her mother. She had no other people in her life that she felt she owed any explanations to, and only wanted to see Leo soon, as they had not finished their conversation. There were still things left unresolved. They had no idea what the other clips were of - although she was certain the first clip from today was of them in their passionate embrace by the sea.

She stopped, turning to face the wall and letting the cold water run down the length of her neck and back as she held her arms tightly crossed over her breasts. She gasped as the still-icy water ran in unrelentingly cold rivulets down her body.

She remembered gasping in almost the same way when he had suckled on her earlobe. Under the chill of the water she felt a heat blossom in her belly. It rose up into her chest and flowed down between her legs and she felt suffused with an aching desire that couldn't be dampened by the cold.

In a moment that felt like spinning madness, she wondered why he couldn't be with her now, why they shouldn't already be in each others' arms and having what the world might presume to think they have anyway. To hell with the consequences, they could be free and enjoy each other.

At least, for now.

The madness reached a crescendo before it came crashing down, to the reality of the situation. She turned off the water as she stood there breathless and hot and cold all over.

As she reached for her towel and stepped out of the shower stall, she thought to herself that the obstacle now lay in how Taekwoon looked at their relationship.

Taekwoon. She let his name repeat in her thoughts. Funny how she had never really referred to him with his real name except in fun, she was so used to his stage moniker.

Taekwoon. Serious. Stalwart. Loyal.

She could see he wanted to do right by her. She could sense his devotion to the building of their relationship - or at least his intention to do so. He seemed so earnest, so honourable. Such wonderful things which she wanted, but knew were colouring his perception of what their relationship could be.

She felt increasingly that what he wanted was to do the right thing - and it wasn't that she didn't want that either. It was just that she wanted other things more, or at least, that he just had to BE with her.

Just be.

She dressed, finally feeling warmed through, in her sleeping clothes of fresh clean jogger pants and hoodie. She boiled the kettle to make tea and put on the tv to some late night variety show. As she waited by the kettle, running her fingers through her drying hair, she gazed at the gas flame.

She pondered over his predilection for restraint and caution, which only seemed to extend as far as his words. She raised an eyebrow. When it came to physical matters though, he wasn't afraid to colour outside the lines. She smiled to herself, enjoying a few flashbacks of his singular ardour. She huffed, shaking her head. Even with his minimal overtures, he certainly knew how to make her heart race.

Until he opened up that door to the part of his brain that liked to halt their intimate proceedings with concerns, anxieties and preemptive hogwash.