Winter Hearts

The Wildflower

Stratos sidled over and sat next to Mikhalis, who was now sitting alone. He nudged him conspirationally.

"So, will you do it? For old times' sake?"

Mikhalis smiled at him, then nodded. Stratos laughed deeply and slapped him on the back. Then he turned to look up at Leo, who was standing and moving back out of the way of the other tables, his eyes on the dancefloor.

"So..."

Mikhalis looked at him expectantly, taking a sip out of his tumbler of retsina.

Stratos shrugged, looking over at the dancefloor, then looking back at Leo again, then back at Mikhalis.

Mikhalis regarded him with a smirk.

"Yeeeees?"

"Nothing. I have nothing to ask you about Siana and all her new friends!" Stratos pretended to strangle Mikhalis, who took it goodnaturedly.

The music changed had ended, and now the band was playing a rousing traditional number, with everyone joining in to dance the kalamatiano.

Stratos smiled, then looked at Mikhalis carefully. Oh no, here it comes, Mikhalis thought.

"So how is Jenny? Have you heard from her? Do you keep in touch?"

Stratos asked him this almost every time they met, and Mikhalis' answer was always the truth: No.

He thought he couldn't bear to repeat himself, but he was feeling the sentiment of the evening, After all, he had already agreed to Stratos' prior request, and was feeling more than ready to fulfil the promise he had made.

"I miss her. Especially when Siana visits. And now Siana has found someone, I feel myself alone, even though she is here with me. Even more than when she is not."

Stavros looked at him, a little taken aback. Mikhalis smiled back as he held up his drink again, his eyes shining. He wasn't going to cry, but he was feeling the melancholy that he knew was going to colour the rest of the night for him.

Stratos shook his head, and exhaled a loud "Aaach" before taking a swig of his drink as well. They both turned to look at the two squashed circles of relatives trying to dance the sprightly kalamatiano without hurting themselves.

Mikhalis couldn't see Siana. He was hoping she was feeling happy and safe and wanted in Leo's arms. He was happy that she had chanced upon romance here where he could see her happiness blossom, and was very pleased that she had chosen someone he liked and respected - but more importantly, seemed to care for her despite his non-demonstrative nature.

Mikhalis thought about his own courtship of Siana's mother. People don't realise what strengths and weaknesses they have in them until they become part of a couple. Things they used to be proud of themselves for suddenly seemed trivial or time-consuming. And other parts of their character which they never thought they had in them, surfaced to meet the same in the other person.

It was as if proximity, or love, or fate or whatever - brought out the best and worst in each other. Your partner became your mirror, whether you liked it or not.

And in my case, he thought sadly, I didn't recognise my own loneliness - so I never saw hers. Mikhalis felt a sudden stab of deep regret, such that he had never felt before, not even at the height of their antagonism toward each other just before they finally split.

It was all here, right here in my hands, and I let it all go as if I didn't know what treasure I held.

Mikhalis looked down, feeling a strange emotion rising up inside him. He sniffed, blinking away tears. It had been a decade since their divorce. What was it that was triggering all this feeling?

He realised it was partly from the high emotion of the night, partly from the drink, partly from the promise he had made to Stratos and the anticipation of what he was about to do - and partly because he was seeing himself and Jenny in Leo and Siana. Of course, he and Leo were musicians, and there was a worry that history might repeat itself.

But he could see himself in Siana very much, a little smitten, a little unsure, a little new to love - which was how he had been with her mother.

He didn't know it then, but he was immature and had no real understanding of what it took to love someone.

He tried very hard. He gave up many things, worked hard for his family... not knowing that, while that was good for something, it wasn't good for his lonely, isolated wife. He couldn't understand, couldn't compute when she said he didn't have to do any of those things, that he could continue to be who he was, do what he wanted to do.

Jenny tried to tell him, but the simplicity of her demands just confused him more. Just love me. Be with me.

He saw the repetitive and tedious nature of childrearing as drudgery, and began to pull away. Her simple requests became too demanding, too intrusive.

The regret he felt that he had missed all his chances to see Siana's smiles and heartbreaks and Jenny's tiredness, happiness and sadness... all served to stoke his melancholy.

Now that he had a shared a little with Stratos, he felt that he had been heard, and that a little of the evening's elation was beginning to seep into his bones. He stood, taking a deep breath, and walked forward to find a spot to wait next to the band.

The lead player nodded at him, then turned to indicate to the band that MIkhalis was at the ready.

Before too long the music ended, and the leader gestured to him to come up on stage. MIkhalis came forward, standing on the dance floor in front of them.

As he took the mic, Stratos wolf-whistled loudly, yelling "Your health, Brother!" and causing everyone to turn and see Mikhalis getting onstage. There were gasps and yells of celebration.

Mikhalis faced the crowd, looking at all the smiling faces, some of them a little teary. He couldn't find Siana.

"Pou eisai, Siana mou?" He asked. Where are you, my Siana?

He saw her step forward from the edge of the crowd, her face smiling, surprised.

He spoke to her in Greek.

"My daughter, my baby. You are my blessing, my grace. And I want you to have happiness and kindness in your life."

He saw her eyes fill with tears as she listened. He saw Leo a little away from her, watching her with a deep curiosity, and something else.

A man in love?

Mikhalis felt heartened by the sight, and turned to cue the players.

He put the mic down, preferring to free his hands, and stood straight in the centre of the dance floor, surrounded by his family, and the one he loved most.

He paused a moment, stilling his breath. Then, he began to sing.

Do not pity me, send me away tonight

As if I'm a wildflower, cut me and my life

I started my journey naked, I travel alone

My home is the road, and pain is my song

Send me away without pity, don't fear for my own

If it should snow or if it rains, this wildflower will endure

The players joined in with perfect timing as he ended his song. He blew Siana a kiss and walked towards her, shaking his head when he saw her tears, wiping them away. He kissed her forehead and embraced her, and they swayed to the music as the band leader took over singing the rest of the song.