Winter Hearts

Eyes Wide Open

Hongbin was dimly aware of the spinning lights and the thumping of the house music as he leaned against the darkened wall behind the central bar of the club. His head felt heavy as he dangled the thin neck of his beer bottle between his two fingers. He shut his eyes for a moment, letting his chin fall towards his chest.

The electronic pulsing of the bass sent thrums through his body, making him feel like his blood was settling in his legs and feet, making him feel rooted to the spot.

It was like a dull heartbeat that reminded him that he was lonely, with no one to share the excitement of the club, or to feel the heady fizz of alcohol buzzing through his veins.

The song's vocalist sang a high ethereal note, creating a buzzing feeling in his head - and he began to feel as if he was stuck in some sort of time or dimension warp. He wasn't quite feeling himself.

He needed to get out.

He tried to stand up straight, to take a few steps, but to his alarm he found he was immobile. He couldn't even open his eyes, it felt as if his muscles were deadened and heavy.

The only thing that didn't feel that way was his heart, which was racing uncomfortably.

I need help. I need someone, he thought.

It was as if he had been buried alive, and had nothing but his thoughts to keep him company through hell's panic and the terrifying sensation of drowning, in air.

"It's a dream," he heard a soft voice in his head say.

He felt a warm touch on his chest, someone trying to calm his racing heart by pressing on it. It soothed him, despite the fact that his heart kept beating too fast. Someone was helping him.

"Breathe," the voice said, a soft whisper he could hear through the cottonheaded sound of house music.

His immobilised, weighted chest heaved and he felt the cool rush of air in his lungs which felt like succour after a long unhappiness. I can breathe, I feel better, he thought, feeling the bottle fall from his hand.

Or did someone take it? He frowned, his eyes still closed. He felt like he was going to cry, but there were no tears, only fear, discomfort... and trust in the voice he could hear in his head.

The hand moved to his shoulder, squeezing til he could feel his muscles relax and warm up. Then it went round his neck, the heat soothing his skin, and he felt the warm rush of sweet breath as she whispered at his ear.

"For looking after me. For watching me. For loving me."

Then soft lips pressed against his cheek near his ear, making his breath deepen suddenly. He felt those lips kiss him again on the cheek, and then softly press against his mouth.

He didn't kiss back, though his body was responding. His breath caught, and he shuddered involuntarily.

Who was she?

With great effort he opened his pained eyes, but it was dark and he couldn't focus. He felt her put her other hand round his neck as well, and she leaned against him, opening her mouth to kiss him again.

He sighed, giving in, letting himself receive her gentle attentions. His head bowed, her hands twined around his neck, it felt as if she were breathing life into him, and he gradually felt himself become lighter, breathing deeper, feeling oh so much better.

It was as if the dull warped sounds of the music were catching up to speed, and he was suddenly back in the present, feeling more like himself, though in the arms of an unknown woman who seemed to have a healing touch in her kiss.