Winter Hearts

Sickness

Hongbin had gone back down the jetty and turned left to run towards the opposite end of town to their street. He ran hard, wanting to push past that threshold of exhaustion and reach that elusive physical state where not only did endorphins kick in, but where mentally he was in the zone. It was a combination of chemical changes in his body and a sort of exhausted elation which created a kind of buzz for him.

He didn't often have the time to run like this, and not outdoors. And, although he passed a few people who gave him a second glance, most ignored him and let him be.

He ran past a small marina where boats and yachts were moored for the winter. The waterfront curved gently and he found more sea vessels in a smaller marina further up. The pavings were newer here, and made for a clear path for him. He ran harder, feeling his breath force his lungs to open, and his heart beat a rhythm that he kept up with on every step. Soon, he was leaving the town, and could see the pavement up ahead becoming less even, more of a hazard for a runner.

He slowed, not wanting to lose momentum, and turned back the way he came. The sun was now high in the sky, and he felt the heat of it begin to get stifling. The sun's rays glinted off the water and stung his eyes, they were so bright.

He kept going, kept pushing until he approached the jetty, and realised that no matter how hard he ran, how hard he pushed, he couldn't outrun the feeling in his gut. He felt that it would make him burst, and being unable to do anything about it made him gasp with a certain desperation. He felt trapped by his own emotions and nerves.

He turned back up the jetty and slowed down as he approached the end. Although he felt unsatisfied with his run, he could feel the deep breaths he was taking combined with the slowing down, begin to have a calming effect on him. He was breathing so hard he opened his mouth to take large gulps of air as he paced the end of the jetty, hands resting on his hips. He could feel his ribs and back expanding forcefully as he breathed in through his nose and out through his mouth. Sweat ran down his temples and neck and he felt a drop fall from his nose. He looked out to sea, feeling a tiny breeze rising.

"Hongbin?" he heard a familiar voice which made his gut twist. He whipped around to see Siana lightly jogging up behind him, a surprised look on her face. He gasped, still trying to control his breathing. She ran right up to the edge of the water, passing by him and looking down into the dark depths.

"You look like you ran a marathon," she smiled back at him. He just nodded, wiping his face with his arm.

He watched her as she turned back to the water and took a deep breath, his thoughts on how the hair from her ponytail seemed to flurry around her neck. He couldn't help thinking that he shouldn't be looking at her that way, even though nothing untoward was happening.

It's because I want to touch it, feel it in my hands. Feel it on my face. But I can't. She belongs to someone else.

She turned suddenly, her smile bright.

"How did you like last night?" she asked, taking him by surprise.

"Last night?" he croaked, shocked and confused. What kind of question was that?

"Yeah, the music. The party," she said, looking back at the sea.

Oh.

Relieved, Hongbin smiled and took a step closer to stand next to her. It felt natural all of a sudden, like her effervescence had set him back to his default setting of being very comfortable around her.

"I liked your father's song very much," he said, smiling as he looked out to sea too.

"It's one of my favourite songs. It's about having to leave a loved one, and promising to be alright without them. Isn't that heartbreaking? And romantic and tragic?" She turned to him, her eyes shining. He smiled down at her, nodding. He saw her pretty brown eyes searching his for a moment, then she looked down at his smile before turning back.