Winter Hearts

Small, Loved

The flight set up team had already arrived and had laid out all their equipment on the flat ground atop the cliff they were to jump off. They had prepared tandem harnesses for both hang gliding and paragliding flights as they had been warned that the boys did not have enough experience, if any, to do solo flights.

Siana recognised a couple of guys and girls that she had come to know as acquaintances during the last few years that she had been working with her father. She knew they worked as freelancers and also were tied to the ski resort and local extreme sports groups, so she knew they were in good hands. She greeted them in Greek, and had to do some explaining about the group she was with. Both the guys and the girls couldn't help but notice that the boys were rather polished-looking to just be a random group of travelling friends seeking adventure.

"Who's the doll?" Asked one of the girls, making a stab of jealousy pierce Siana's heart. Did she mean Leo? Siana followed her line of sight and realised she was eyeing Ravi.

"Yeah, who's the doll?" chimed in one of the boys, winking at Siana.

She calmed herself. If there was something she wasn't prepared for, it was her surprisingly strong reaction against the idea that someone else could be interested in Leo. She wondered why she was thinking so foolishly. Firstly, he was a pop idol. Secondly, she had always looked down on possessiveness as a sign of weakness and immaturity. Thirdly, she believed fans had no true claim on their idols anyway, so what right had she?

My right is that I have staked a claim on him. And him on me, she thought to herself, feeling a delicious warmth envelop her body from knowing that that was the truth. She could still feel the force of his claim on her lips, and she wondered if he was as hyper-aware of it as she was.

And at this moment she thought she could see that possessiveness could be viewed as something meaningful, rather than immature or weak.

All this time I thought I knew it all, but really, I knew nothing, she thought whimsically.

But the jealous feeling was very strong and took her by surprise. She believed it was irrational, in any case. If she were jealous of anyone being interested in him, that would mean she would be jealous of almost everyone he came across. She stopped herself from sneaking a peek at him.

I'll be jealous and bitter, then, she thought, thinking rather uncharitably, that he better be jealous and bitter too.

Then Siana stopped herself.

Didn't she just tell him to keep himself open to the possibility that they wouldn't last too long? Wasn't she the one who had basically poured cold water over his ardor just a few moments before this? Siana realised that despite her confidence in herself, she may have been thoughtless. She felt a tendril of remorse creep into her heart and wrap itself around it. She had felt that she had a claim on him, and yet she had more or less told him that whatever was happening between them was temporary.

He had done something very brave by confessing to her and telling her he wanted something more than just a holiday romance - and she had basically pooh-poohed it because she had figured in her mind there was no hope for them beyond the time they had together now. She had shut down his desire for them to make it work.

How he must feel right now.

She may have made him feel very small, as if what he felt didn't matter much to her.

She felt careless, like an inconsiderate tease, and her high spirits threatened to seep out of her like sand through her fingers. She had already decided that it was too much to expect that they would continue forward beyond the time they had together now, but if he had been willing to see it through, how could she have not recognised that that in itself was a big deal from someone in his position?