Winter Hearts

Tangled Girl

N almost jumped out of his seat.

He didn't expect this at all, not from the Siana he was getting to know. He didn't know whether to reach out and comfort her or just tell her to stop crying. He knew for certain that someone like her didn't burst into tears unless they were ready to crumble from feeling guilt.

Or, if they were hurting badly.

She stood up, smiling through her tears, half embarrassed and half stoic, her face hot and wet. She mumbled an apology in a shaky voice, and quickly turned to walk briskly away down the jetty towards the main road. He stood politely, too late, and watched her shoulders rise and fall as she tried to calm herself with deep breaths.

He couldn't let her walk home alone in that state. He ran after her, grabbing her by the elbow to make her stop.

"I'm okay, please, I want to be alone," she protested, trying to control her tears. N didn't let go.

N knew this emotional state - where the tears kept falling even if you felt your crying was over. It was as if the body needed to go through it, whether the mind or the heart wanted to or not.

"Can you tell me what happened?" N looked down at her. She finally looked up at him, her eyes red. She shook her head.

"Why not? It's obvious something did."

"You should speak to Leo," she said, simply. She had a lot she wanted to say, but she didn't think that it was right for her to go telling on Leo, when what happened between her and him was private - and for all she knew was something Leo didn't want to share.

No matter how unfair that seemed, she knew that she would probably never see him again once they left, but he and N were going to live and work together for a long time after - and had done so for a long time before she ever came into the picture. She didn't want to be the third party that whined about one to the other.

Although she didn't understand what had caused him to behave the way he did, she knew she had some responsibility in letting things go as far as they did, too.

After all, if she hadn't been willing, it would never have happened.

She could see N was concerned, but knew that besides his concern for her, there would be deeper layers of concern for Leo, and even for the group. Behaviour could be misconstrued if seen or heard of by the wrong people. She just wanted to get out of the mess of having N knowing what was going on.

"How do you know, anyway?" She asked N.

"I don't really know anything, only that Leo has been sensitive since before dinner, and that now you feel upset by my questions."

Siana shook her head, pulling away from N and folding her arms over her chest.

"In answer to your question, I didn't do anything to him." She realised that that was an admission by which N could make his own assumptions - namely that he might think she meant to imply to him that Leo was the one who had hurt her. She couldn't help what N would think. At the very least she had answered him honestly.

Unless kissing Leo was considered doing something to him that would cause him to behave the way he did. Agh she was just as confused as N was, she thought.

"Just please, speak to him. I'm okay, honestly."

She made to move past him, and he stepped aside, letting her go.

Siana walked to the main road, hoping that N wouldn't follow her again. She crossed the street and turned to see if he was behind her, but he still stood where he was, looking out to sea. She saw him rub his face with his hand and sigh. She ducked quickly into a side street and made her way towards the school compound in the outskirts of Itea, where she had played basketball with Panos and the boys the first day she was here.