Winter Hearts

Bubbles

Leo felt all kinds of elation rising up inside. Siana, just as playful and exasperating and intoxicating as ever, had turned his tricks on him and made him feel like he was on the end of a delightful leash, a willing subject to her little game.

I will.

You make me pay, I make you pay - and the pay off for each other was this delightful, enticing, delicious teasing. He loved that she wasn't too lofty to be as childish as he had been, and suddenly couldn't wait to see what other games they would devise to play with each other.

I will.

She was making a promise, but he already felt it, had felt it in her kiss and her warm embrace. It was only a matter of time - but more importantly, she had welcomed his admission, and loved him for it. He felt vindicated, that he was right about her, and that she wanted him just as much as he did her. And although she hadn't yet said it, she loved him. He knew it.

I will.

He wanted to know when.

As they walked hand in hand through the park towards the main street, he found himself tracing his thumb over her skin, something he realised comforted him. The morning sun was bright and glinty, and although the traffic and bustle had picked up, the air was still dewy and fresh, and it all felt like a good portent for things to come, even if they weren't going to be easy.

He made his mind up: he would speak to the Sejung Hyung and be adamant about his decision to go public. After all, the only reason they had spiralled into this panicked secrecy was because of their initial desire to keep their location secret - and because of his past experiences with fans and so-called scandals. He wondered if perhaps, he and the company had not developed a sort of phobia or mania about keeping things proper because of his history in particular.

They had all realised that, of all the members, he was the only one seeming to get that sort of attention, and all from within their fandom, which was usually rather affectionate and sedate.

Leo believed their fans were like that because of N's stern insistence on good behaviour, and the members' own repeated shows of gratitude to fans for their politeness and gentility. He wondered if he seemed to engender jealousies within his own followers because he came across as distant.

He was often told by N that it was because they wanted to possess him in ways other fans didn't want to possess the other members. That somehow, Leo inspired something protective and possessive in them. Then N would glare at him and accuse him of doing the same to all the members too.

Leo had found that frightening, bad enough during a time when he felt extremely self-conscious anyway about looking like his members had the upper hand over him. He had finally, slowly, come to realise that their intentions were always to tease, and that it served him well to appear like he was easily had. It's mostly true anyway, he thought to himself wryly, glancing down at Siana.

She seemed to be smiling idiotically to herself and the people she passed. He wondered if he ever looked that ridiculously foolish, and decided it didn't really look that bad at all.

She kept apace with him, and he realised she was speeding up, rushing as if to somewhere delightful. She looked up at him, her eyes sparkling and her cheeks pink with exertion, and seemed to be pulling him along by the hand. She suddenly giggled, her mirth rising up and spilling over. He broke into a trot to keep up with her, his heart feeling light, as if it were made of bubbles.

They reached the main road and slowed down, seeing the hotel across the street from them. As they waited to cross, Leo sensed their moment coming to an end, as if the oncoming traffic that delayed their passage forward represented their future obstacles.

He felt a pang of sadness, a familiar feeling that often struck him after moments of elation. He wondered if he would ever be able to shift that part of him that always saw the darkness that accompanied every light. He looked at Siana, wondering if she ever felt that too, or if she ever felt that her own feelings brought her down when she should feel otherwise.

Yes, he thought. She said so herself, something along those lines.

"All the time," she had whispered to him in the public square that Sunday.

And here she was, standing with him as they waited for the traffic to open up a channel for them to walk through. She seemed unperturbed, unaffected by the wait, in fact, seemed to peruse the passing cars with a smile.

He suddenly felt, as long as she held his hand, that sad feeling that he felt, and those obstacles that waylaid their journey, could be endured, even enjoyed.

He lifted her hand and pressed it to his lips, looking deep into her eyes. She smiled up at him, a little question in her eyes, but came in close as he kissed her fingers, her other hand coming up to stroke his cheekbone.

"You make me happy," he said, simply.