Winter Hearts

Ravioli

Ravi followed Leo into the studio. Leo turned on some lights and took the seat by the console, waiting for Ravi to sit as well.

Although it was Leo who had asked Ravi to come to the studio with him, it was Ravi who had wanted to talk in the first place. Leo had just used the studio as an excuse in front of Siana, to get Ravi to shut up.

Leo was glad that he had jumped into action before Ravi could say anything more to Siana. He knew that Ravi didn't mean anything by it - except that, like N, he had seemed to grow a huge impulse to goad him into making a move on Siana.

But if Ravi had continued on his train of thought and had actually intimated that Leo was very, very interested in Siana, it would have been very hurtful for her to hear, especially since what Ravi didn't know was that Leo had practically turned away from her.

Leo had been regretting that singular moment for almost every hour that he had spent apart from her, unable to explain.

The week that she had given him was finally over, and all he had wanted to was to find a quiet moment to square things with her.

But instead of being able to speak to her alone, they were now all going on a buddy trip with seven other people - most of whom were going to be watching them both with hawk eyes.

Leo couldn't help but think his brothers were all a bunch of sentimental romantics rooting for happy endings.

He looked at Ravi, who appeared sheepish and unsure of what to say. Leo knew that when he hadn't commented on the clip N had sent to their chat group, that he would be sending the message that he was not pleased about it.

When he had heard his phone ping that afternoon, he had been alone on the balcony in his bedroom. He saw from the thumbnail that it was a clip of them rehearsing, and he hesitated to open and watch it.

Since that that morning a week ago when he had been rudely awakened by N to be told that Siana had burst into tears, Leo had tried his best to stay out of her way. He had agreed with N that there needed to be some distance between them, both for his and her sakes.

For him, he needed to cool off. Even though Siana thought he wasn't interested, the fact of the matter was that he was frightened by the intensity of interest that he had for her. During his time alone he wondered if he had pulled away from her out of some kind of deeply-ingrained habit to keep personal relationships from developing - or was it something more instinctive? 

Was he afraid of how much he wanted to be with her?

For her - he needed her to have time to get over the sting of his rejection, so that he could explain himself to her when she was calm.

He cringed inwardly. He had acted like a fool, even though he had felt justified at the time. And even now, felt somewhat justified. He had to explain to her that it was for her own good. That he was trying to save her the heartache of their eventual separation. That it couldn't go anywhere - and that he wasn't one for a casual romance.

Even if Siana wanted that, I could not go into it casually, he thought to himself. I would free fall and crash down into loving her and I don't think I could ever get out. And it would kill me if all she wanted was some excitement for the holidays, nothing more.

There was no way they could start something. He didn't even know what she wanted to do with her life. If they started something, where could it go? They barely knew each other.

Leo knew he had to keep control over himself when he spoke to her. He had to let her down gently, tell her all those myriad thoughts of the future which had somehow struck him during their kiss, and made him feel that he was stealing something from her without her knowing. She had to know the pitfalls of being with him - and how being together was a scenario that didn't stand a chance anyway.