Winter Hearts

Waning Moon

Hongbin took a step back, shocked. He had been standing behind almost everyone when the scene had gone down, and the moment he saw Leo put his hand on Mark's chest, he felt his heart drop in his chest.

He was watching Leo, whose face had taken on the qualities of stone, weirdly blank and immovable. He could see his hyung had already committed to following through on whatever he had decided he was going to do about Mark and his friends.

Although it seemed liked everything happened so fast, Hongbin felt as if time had slowed, both for him and for Leo. Leo's move to defend himself was cool and calculated, not just because he had experience in self-defence, but because he had already made himself ready for the eventuality.

For Hongbin, time seemed to stretch out because he was finally seeing with his own eyes the kind of commitment to Siana he had been expecting from his hyung all this time. And in seeing that manifest in so strong an action, with such quiet resolution, was like seeing the doors close on the tiny bit of hope he had for himself and Siana.

The finality with which he felt that hope perish made him feel leaden. His first thought was to go to Siana, but then Leo looked at her with such a stricken look that spoke of an intimate plea for something that Hongbin had no part of - and it hurt to think that she would respond to that plea wholeheartedly.

He noticed Min turn to look at him, but he stepped back and turned away, running his hands through his hair and trying to take some calming breaths. He felt a sudden anxiety rise because his breathing was too constricted to do so. He felt as if he was going to sob, like there was a knot of nerves in his chest fighting to come out on his next breath. He coughed, holding a hand to his chest. The feeling gradually subsided, but it made him panic.

Why was he reacting so strongly, physicallly? He felt as if there was a jealous hand squeezing on his heart, something spiteful and resentful. He couldn't help but feel as if something precious to him had been stolen from him, and that the thief was parading his bounty in front of him.

These thoughts, these feelings... Hongbin felt sick of them, sick that he was harbouring these miserly, angry things, when he knew they were irrational and baseless.

He understood that they were toxic and that he had to shake them off at once before they ate him up.

It was as if a fog that had been clouded over him lifted, and the light of knowing what to do suddenly shone bright and gave him sight. He took a deep, cleansing breath, and stilled.

You idiot, he told himself. Idiot. Idiot!

He turned to look at the scene, and saw Kkomae finally coming up to Leo and berating him. Although smaller, his anger was palpable, and what could have been a funny sight was not, as Leo bowed his head and listened respectfully.

Hongbin could see Leo was prepared to handle the consequences of his actions, and had been from before he had struck Mark.

It meant that whatever the consequences, he would accept them - and Hongbin knew the consequences were hard. Even though it was self-defence, he struck first, and with obvious skill. And Hongbin believed that he was ready to do so before the threat of Mark's attack had become obvious. Truthfully, Leo could not say he struck in the heat of the moment, but Hongbin hoped that he would not be foolish enough to say so.

He saw the aide from the embassy speaking to the bouncer, who was nodding and describing the situation to him. N had turned to Siana and Min, and had instructed Ken and Hyuk to escort them back to their hotel. Min had shaken her head and said they would go back on their own.

Ken and Hyuk went further down the road to hail a taxi, and as Min pulled on Siana to go with her, she had locked eyes with him, worried.

He looked at her and pursed his lips. He nodded to her, and saw her relax. As the taxi came forward, he saw Leo look up and call Siana's name. He turned and left Kkomae mid-sentence to walk over to her.

He simply held her hand and looked into her eyes for a moment before giving her a kiss and mumbling a few words to her. He nodded to Min and let them get into the taxi, turning back to Kkomae without waiting for them to leave.

Hongbin waited for the taxi to pass before crossing back to the boys and going to stand with N.

N watched him approaching, his head cocked to one side as he watched him.

"What?" Hongbin asked as he joined the group. N watched him for a moment, sighing.

"You're like the moon. Except instead of a month, it takes you one day to go full circle," N said quietly, a smirk at his lips.

"You have been reading too many gardening books, hyung," Hongbin said out of the side of his mouth. To his surprise, N laughed out loud.

He and several others turned to look at them in surprise.

"Leader N, you can laugh at this moment?" Kkomae sounded like he was strangling something.

N's smile dropped as he glanced quickly at the aide, who thankfully, was deep in conversation with the bouncer. He bowed politely.

"Sorry. Sorry everyone. It's just... a tense situation," N cleared his throat, glancing at Hongbin who shook his head with a curled lip.

Hongbin snorted and looked back at Kkomae, noticing suddenly that Leo was looking at him.

For a split second, there was something in that look, almost the same as the look he had given Siana, then it was gone, and he was expressionless again. Hongbin was reminded that Leo had seen him as a confidante, and probably needed some support from him, somehow.

Hongbin nodded, a tiny wistful smile on his lips. Leo's lip lifted at the corner in response, but his eyes were still that resolute, stony blankness.

It seemed to him there was something that needed to be said between them, and it wasn't Leo who needed to do the talking, but him.