Winter Hearts

N Gets Acquainted

N was one of those people who looked at the world with a mild dictatorial benevolence. 

He liked things to be just the way he liked them to be, but he was flexible and humble enough to recognise that he didn't own anyone - he just liked to act that way.

And mostly, people enjoyed his firm but gentle leadership, and he tended to get excellent results from simply taking charge in a courteous manner.

But when it came to variables, like character quirks and stubborn streaks in others, he often had to throw his hands up in despair. This was when he relied on his fellow idols to step in where they could and pour oil over troubled waters.

N liked to be straightforward, and he didn't feel ashamed of who he was or of his feelings - which he was happy to put out there when he felt like it. If he did it in a less tolerable way, he realised he would not be the good leader that he was. He had found a way to use humour and being the "fall guy" to disperse tensions and allay fears.

Still. Dealing with someone like Taekwoon could wear him down sometimes.

It was obvious to N that somewhere between having dinner last night and having dinner tonight, Taekwoon's cheery, playful and soft spirit had gone back into the cave that he and the boys had spent years trying to coax it out of. 

He was practically glowering at the lamb chops on his plate.

He looked at Hongbin, who seemed to be hovering around Leo the whole day and evening. Perhaps Hongbin had caused this situation? N narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips. He thought not. Hongbin had too pragmatic a head on his shoulders to cause this kind of withdrawal in Leo. He didn't normally like to play games, although N knew that Hongbin had the head for it.

He looked further down the table to Ravi and Ken, who were all but sitting in each other's laps, they were so touchy-feely. N was never surprised when people assumed at some point, that some or all of Vixx were gay. He was rather proud of their crossover appeal, to both the gay community - and the straight community who wished that Vixx were gay.

N was more shocked that young teens were so sexually-minded, when he felt that he was just beginning to understand what sexuality was. Of course, everyone understands what sex is and what being a boy or a girl is. But really, really understanding sexuality and its many layers... there were limits and non-limits people had that N could never really presume to know.

All he knew was that from a young age he was highly sociable, a total leader and absolutely fabulous. 

And both the girls and guys loved him.

He didn't discriminate. Everyone's adoration was better than someone's adoration.

His mother encouraged his confidence and taught him how to deal with his low moments, so that he would always be able to care for himself even if he were alone in the world. He had always gone headlong towards his goal: to be a good person, and a good leader in whatever he did - which was dancing and singing.

He wasn't a songwriter, and had no aspirations to be. He had less of a hand in conceptualising their comebacks, but was always hands-on in the practical staging. He knew what he could bring to the table, and he made sure everyone knew too. It was clearcut.

But people like Taekwoon? And other people's sexuality? N drew a blank. Nothing straight up in either of those things.

N chewed on the delicious food as his eyes scanned the rest of the table. It couldn't be Kkomae or Hyuk, since he had spent most of the day with them. He turned to Mr Mikhalis.

Perhaps it was the thing that happened with the gypsies? But Taekwoon had been out of sorts since earlier, especially after he had come back from basketball with Hongbin and Siana.

N's eyes darted to Siana as he gasped dramatically to himself.

Could it be?

He looked at Leo, and found him to be staring down Siana as she chewed quietly on her food.

Then he looked at Hongbin, who was watching him with an expression of "Do you know what I know?"

Hongbin lifted his glass as N reached for his, and they both looked at each other over their glasses as they drank. So Hongbin knew something about Leo and Siana - and N was guessing that it wasn't about how well they played basketball.

N raised his eyebrows at Hongbin, who widened his eyes as if to say "You don't know the half of it!"

This piqued N's interest no end. Taekwoon? Falling for Siana?

Oh, the joy! N loved happy things - but from the way he looked, Taekwoon in love seemed like it was a hellhole of misery.

He decided that Taekwoon needed testing, which in N's opinion was the best way to bring out a person's best. However, knowing his reluctant side, N knew that the wrong move would make him totally withdraw out of pride or embarrassment.

He wondered if his asking Siana to work with him and Ravi was a sticking point for Leo. He realised it very well could be, even though he knew Leo would deny it, or even reject an opportunity to dance with her himself. He wasn't straightforward like that. He was like a crab that could only move sideways, all hard and prickly on the outside, but pretty much soft and boneless on the inside. 

Everyone in the group knew that once you got over the initial fear of Taekwoon's grumpy outer being, he was putty in your hands, eager to be there for you, happy to be needed.

He turned to Siana, who looked up and turned her attention to him before he started talking. He loved that little gesture of acknowledgment as it made him think she was attentive to people's needs.

"Siana-ssi, is there a club we could go to? to listen to music, to dance?" N put a forkful of food in his mouth and chewed as he politely waited for her to answer.