Winter Hearts

The Smile That Hides

Min waved off Hongbin's delayed offer to pay. She leaned back in her seat and put her hands in her pockets, stretching her legs out and crossing them at the ankles. She contemplated Siana's rather obtuse handling of the situation. She had returned from the bathroom to find Hongbin had gone from being almost puppyishly happy, to moody in the space of a few minutes. He looked a little like he had been slapped and wasn't sure how to respond to it. He seemed wound up tight, about to come undone. What exactly had he and Siana talked about that had triggered this change in him?

Also, what was up with Siana being so touchy-feely and suggestive in her language to him? Could she not see that the guy was head over heels for her? Min thought that, given that Siana was not the kind to lead someone on, it was highly probable she had no idea at all and was mistaking his interest for companionship.

Hongbin on the other hand... He seemed consumed by his attraction to her, and not in a healthy way. The boy should have left them alone and walked on by.

"Can I ask you something just between us?" She said, her breath starting to fog in the growing chill of the night. To his credit, he seemed to swallow his mood and turn to her with a clear expression. She saw that he wasn't one to let his temper affect his interaction with someone blameless.

"Is it very personal? Because I'm a little crabby, I can't take too personal sometimes," he joked, not sure where to look. His smile belied his tentative reluctance, and he dropped his gaze.

Min's instincts told her that despite his self-control, he was feeling some very raw emotions that he was unused to handling. He was possibly very close to the edge, and she was about to see how far she could push him before it was enough. She wanted to see what his limits were when it came to looking out for Siana.

"Do you think Leo is good for Siana?" He laughed, a nervous reaction. She saw a hint of danger in the set of his jaw, but then she thought he seemed to be pulling himself together. In his voice, was a polite suggestion of a warning.

"Why are you asking me that?"

"Because she trusts you, and I want to know from someone who cares for her," Min said, watching him closely.

To her surprise, he seemed to calm himself completely. It was as if she had found a touchstone that gave him solace, or assuaged his conflicted feelings. He looked at her then, his eyes a little reddened, but the tension gone from his jaw, his body. He seemed to be searching her face for meaning, but Min was doing the same.

"I.. They..." Hongbin paused. He blinked, looking like he was trying to convince himself of something.

"You don't think they are good together?"

"I think they are good together." He blurted that out, but said nothing more. He nodded, as if to convince himself, knowing that his hesitation was speaking volumes.

"I worry about their situation."

Min leaned forward, her voice low.

"What would you do if you were in his place?"

Hongbin stilled, holding her gaze. She noticed his eyes had a sadness to them, and it somehow touched her that he allowed her to see the depth of his feeling. It was like he could see an eternal emptiness before him, but still found it beautiful. He took a breath and exhaled slowly, looking away with a non-committal smile touching the corner of his lips.

"I cannot replace him."

Min was surprised he would say such a thing, exposing himself. She paused, wondering if she could really push him as she had intended. He had said "cannot" rather than "could never" suggesting that he had thought about it for long. He was surprising her almost at every turn. The man seemed overwhelmed by his depth of feeling, yet

aware of his place, and truly unable to overstep his bounds.

His predicament seemed to her to be almost like torture.

She softened, suddenly feeling that he didn't deserve to be questioned like this.

"Oh... well, yes. I meant, what do you think they should do?"

He paused, his jaw working as he thought over what he would say next.

"Min-ssi. If - IF - I was ever in their place, I do not know what I would do either. But I would take every care of your friend. I would cherish her love and protect her dignity."

He finally turned back to her with such an earnest look in his eyes, Min couldn't help but return his gaze with a feeling of deep sympathy. Was she about to hear his confession of love for Siana?

"But even in that, I could never better my Hyung. He is meant for Siana, and she for him."

He suddenly stood, making a big show of pulling on his coat and walking in a wide circle as if he were getting ready to leave. Min turned to see Siana approaching and stood as well, holding out her hand to her to gain her attention and distracting her with chatter. She wanted to give Hongbin some time to collect himself.

"Thanks babe! Hey, do they have ice cream on the way? Maybe we could take a slow walk and stop on the way for some. Save your poor little tootsies from all that high-heeling!"

Siana came up close to stuff change into Min's tiny pocket that lay over one side of her chest, and whispering to her.

"Listen if you're trying to make a move, just a heads up: all these boys are good. Like, gentle, kind, good. And you are a nice person, but not necessarily gentle, and sometimes very not good. So... take care, yeah?"

Min heard the message, and wondered at this strange friendship and loyalty that had blossomed so messily between them all in such a short space of time.

Well, it was only messy for poor Hongbin.

Min made a show of rolling her eyes at Siana and sneaked a glance at him, waiting ahead with his back to them. He was fidgeting with the camera, his back twitching with his sharp movements. She should make him go, save him from having such bittersweet proximity to someone who didn't see him in the same way he saw her. He knew it, yet he stayed. It was a punishment she could understand: self-inflicted and torturously sweet, as if the high of forbidden company could ever mask the eventual deadening effect of reality.

For the first time in a long time, Min was thinking of an attractive man with thoughts other than how to get him into bed.