Winter Hearts

Situations

Siana was still waiting for Leo to answer her when she felt the message come through on her phone.

She didn't like how she sounded. Whiny. Needy. She suddenly realised he might be taking her line of questioning the wrong way.

"Don't answer that. Forget I asked," she said quickly.

She sat down on the pebbles, running her fingers through the tiny stones. Leo sat down too, and they stared out into the sea in silence.

She knew why he had said what he said about fabricating a lie. Like her, he could see how this looming situation could be explained away, easily. The way he had said it was hurtful, but she could tell he was also offended that she had even brought it up.

It was showing up the fundamental difference between them, in how they looked at their relationship. It also showed how they felt the same way.

He wanted to preserve the integrity of it, to stay true to himself and to her, no matter the onslaught. She was flexible, and willing to give some leeway as to how they presented themselves, and how they felt for each other. She could be happy to be upfront, or happy to lay low.

In their separate ways, they shared the same endpoint of being together.

She had brought up her question because she felt that if, as he believed, and it seemed, as the rest of them did, that their being together was going to be difficult, then why did the possibility of this situation erupting have to be the deciding factor in how they revealed themselves to the world?

Nobody had to know for sure if they were an item. She had noticed enough of celebrity life to see that if the celeb lay low long enough, whatever trifling scandals that came up were soon forgotten and forgiven by the public, as long as they hadn't done anything unacceptably immoral.

She was quite willing to play along with a charade if that were necessary. What she wanted to know was why he didn't even consider it as a first option.

Then she took a moment to listen to herself, to look at herself, and decided she didn't like that she had asked that question of him. Firstly, she felt overly clingy about it. Secondly, she realised she had somehow offended him.

He didn't like that she was questioning his loyalty, so soon after she had gone soft over him worrying about being the cause of her misery.

Again she was reminded that being with someone meant a whole lot of adjusting - and that the proper, orderly disclosure of feelings and intention were necessary for clarity, and the building of trust.

Ah Siana, she thought. Just because you have a train of thought doesn't mean you should follow it. Not when doing so meant walking all over another's feelings.

"I... I only said that because I don't want you to feel like you're to blame. You didn't do this to me. And I hope you don't blame me either."

She laughed a little, feeling suddenly vulnerable. She didn't think she could care so much what another person thought of her.

She felt him take her hand gently, and she looked down at their interlaced fingers as he squeezed them. She felt a sudden tiredness come over her. The evening had been full, even so after a full day. How had she ever felt tired from a normal day of life? This emotional up and down of a day had her exhausted - and she felt a numbness creep over the anxiety she felt about their situation. She wanted to be able to just draw a curtain over it all, and forget it was there.

She wished to lay down and sleep, and wanted to wake with him in her arms.

She looked up at him, watched his fine profile as he stared down at their hands. If she asked him, would he indulge her wish?

Then her phone rang, and he smiled a little as he let her hand go.

As she answered, he pulled his own phone out to check his messages.

They both looked at each other at the same time, which was when she realised they hadn't even begun to imagine the depth of the situation they were in.