Winter Hearts

Who Did What

N patted the space next to him on the bench, and she went to sit down.

"What are we going to do about Taekwoon?" he asked, scaring the crap out of her.

"Hmm?" she squeaked, her eyes wide open in comedy surprise.

N leaned in closer, looking her dead in the eye.

"Our Taekwoon has fallen into such a mood lately. He was fine until last night. Right after that incident. Do you think he got scared by those gypsies?"

Siana felt like she was being questioned very, very politely by a mob boss. She understood that N was not really looking for her answer to his question - he was looking for her eventual confession. She could feel the heat rising in her cheeks and hoped he wasn't seeing her blush.

It was alarming how heavy the mood had become - and she was suddenly very aware of N's clout as a leader. She wondered what he was like if he became very angry, and shuddered at the thought. She knew that he would only expect the truth from her.

And she did not want him to know anything.

She wasn't sure how she could answer his impending questions truthfully, without giving herself away. Without telling him that she was a silly crushing fangirl who got to kiss her idol, then was dropped by him like a hot stone.

It was humiliating. And it was even more humiliating that Leo was trying to make things better for her - even though the fangirl in her felt like any attention from him was welcome. She felt at once pitied and happy, and she thought that was a strange and unhealthy place to be. It wasn't good for her ego.

She calmed herself, deciding on a step-by-step approach, readying herself if she were forced to tell the truth.

"No, he helped us take care of them." She realised N might not know of their later run-in with them after they left the club.

The club. N must have seen them leave together, after all, he was right next to her. And Panos had seen them leave. Who knows, they may have all discussed it after they were gone.

"Then dinner. That was strange," N started.

"Yes, dinner. You guys were all talking amongst yourselves. Maybe something going on between you all that I don't know about," Siana tried distraction.

N smiled, almost pityingly, at her frail attempt.

"I must admit that I was provoking him. But he was already upset before we left for Delphi. No, Siana-ssi, this is about you."

Siana shooked her head.

"I don't think I did anything that upset him. We barely talked after the gypsies left."

N searched her face, and Siana kept it as poker-straight as she could. He sat back, a wry smile coming to his lips.

"You remind me of him right now. You seem to miss the point, which he does all the time. But I know you are more direct. You look like you are hiding something."

Siana looked away, back at the horizon. She fell back on what had always worked for her: telling the truth. But she knew there were ways to be truthful without giving away everything about it. And what she was about to say was the truth, and reflected her feelings honestly, without revealing much of herself at all.

"I don't know what happened. We played basketball, we had something to eat after you guys picked up Hongbin. It was nice. Everything was fine until the gypsies - but we barely talked that time at all. My dad did all the talking. I guess I was in shock, I don't know."

She remembered tearing up later, at the restaurant, glad that Hongbin had been there and had been discreet about her tears. She thought now that if it had been Leo, she would have held him if he had let her. She thought bitterly, after all that has happened, why would he be concerned about her tears? She stopped that thought. Except for their tragic kissing aftermath, she couldn't be certain he would react coldly to someone who needed comfort.

Ah Siana. Hongbin was right there, why hadn't she felt like she could use a hug from him? She felt confused. Maybe it was all just her hormones talking. Maybe she had no idea what she would have done if Leo had been there instead of Hongbin.

She realised that what happened after had affected the way she thought of what happened before.

"I must have been in shock, because it hit me once we got to the restaurant. You can ask Hongbin, he knows," she mumbled. She didn't notice N's eyes widen at that tidbit of information.

"Maybe he knows what was going on with Leo, he was there in the lobby too," she was hoping N would follow that train of thought and let her be.

"Anyway, shouldn't you just ask Leo yourself? Why are you asking me?"

N looked at her, weighing his options. He seemed to decide on something, and be pleased with the course of action he was about to take. Siana's realisation of the fact made her a little scared of what he was about to say.

"I am looking out for my friend. My brother. We know each other's family. We eat from the same bowls. You may not know the details, but we have had some strange encounters with fans in the past, you understand."

Siana nodded. She prided herself on not allowing her seemingly uncontrollable feelings of adoration for her idols get out of her control. Ultimately, she felt they were just normal people who were thrust into an abnormal situation which heightened their sexual appeal. That didn't give her the right to trespass on their normal human rights to privacy and dignity. And she wasn't going to lose her dignity by being another fangirl that went too far.

Siana, you Triple-T'd with Leo the moment you could, she mused, feeling herself flushing with heat. You are way past saving your dignity now, she thought to herself almost hysterically. Life was churning up her insides and she couldn't help but let it happen.

N cocked his head, seeing her sudden embarrassment. What had brought this on?

His curiosity about Leo's behaviour escalated. What had Leo done to this girl who had obviously been content to keep to herself, and had responded to their invitations to spend time together with professionalism and grace?

"What I want to ask is, what did Leo do to you?" Siana couldn't help it, she looked at N in shock. He studied her reaction for a moment.

"But maybe I should ask, what did you do to him?"

Siana gasped, her hands flying up to cover her face. She felt her chest tightening, as if it was going to explode. Those simple questions, the ones she knew he was going to ask, the ones that had been playing around in her head, the ones that got to the crux of the matter - those simple questions, now said and out there in the open, seemed to pierce her heart and squeeze it.

Did N think she had mistreated Leo?

Controlled, calm, steady, hardworking, determined, independent Siana who knew how to keep her feelings from colouring her rational actions just couldn't help it.

She burst into tears.