"You Die, I Die" ~ 5SOS

58.

Emma's P.O.V

I'm sitting on the couch in the livingroom. I pull my knees up and wrap my arms around it. Luke walks in and he comes and sits next to me. Without wanting it, tears start to drop and I curl myself up against Luke like I'm a baby. He wraps his long arms all around me and I feel safe.

"I have to tell you something Luke. And I should've told you earlier." I start.

He nods and looks worried.

"I, uhm, I haven't told you, because I thought it didn't matter, but now it does, because Ella is dead and it's so unfair." I continue.

"What's unfair?" Luke asks.

I ignore him. "It's probably very weird that I'm crying this much. Like, I cry all the time. But I just simply can't stop. And I don't want you to think that I am weak and-"

"Woah Emma. Don't be so hard on yourself!" Luke interrups me. "I don't think about you that way! It isn't weird that you are crying and grieving... You just lost your sister. The one you have been with since forever."

"But Calum doesn't cry anymore. He got over it." I whisper.

"No Emma. He didn't. He's just pretending that he's strong, just so it won't have an affect on Matilda... He just wants her to see him happy..." Luke says. "Believe me, there will come a time that he's gonna break, and you are the only one who understands why. You both know how it feels to lose somebody that's really close to you."

"But you have lost Ella too..." I say.

"That's true. She was our best friend... But she was your sister and Calum's girlfriend... I'm not saying we are not grieving, but it's just that you and Calum have each others back."

I whipe away some tears. "I just can't handle the fact that Ella didn't have a chance to fight, because it would kill Matilda."

"Emma. She did have a chance, and she chose not to fight."

I take a deep breathe. "I mean, she didn't have a chance like me."

"W-what do you mean?" Luke looks confused at me.

And then his eyes get big.

"Y-you had-d cancer t-too?" He stutters.

I only nod, waiting for Luke to lose his shit, waiting for him to get mad.

But he doesn't.

Instead of doing that, he pulls me closer to him and he gives me a kiss on my forehead.

"Oh my god. Now I understand it all. Oh baby, please don't cry. It's okay. I understand it all." He whispers while I am crying my eyes out.

"I am so sorry for not telling you." I say between sobs.

"Don't think about that, please. It's okay. I'm not mad at you." He comforts me.

After a while, I take a deep breathe, and I tell Luke my story that I have kept so long inside.

"I was at school when I got my first nose bleeding, I was 5 years old and it was freezing outside. The teachers assumed it was because of the cold weather. Weeks passed and I got more nose bleeds and bruises all over my body. The orphanage didn't trusted it at all, so they took me to the doctor. He tapped some blood and the week after we got the results. I had cancer. Like I didn't know what it meant back then. I just stared at him and I laughed because of his funny moustache. He told me that I was going to sleep for a couple of hours and when I would wake up, I would get a lollypop. They took some bone marrow and I would start my chemotherapy." I take a little break.

Luke is holding my hands and he has tears in his eyes. He rubs with his thumb across my hand. I lay one of my hands at his cheek and I give him a smile. He smiles through his tears and I give him a kiss.

I continue my story. "Months passed, and we turned 6. We got a big party and so many presents. Me and Ella didn't understand why. The day after they took me to the doctor. He told me I was slowly dying. The chemotherapy didn't work on me. That's why I got so many presents... When I told Ella I was dying, she stopped sleeping at night, just so she could hold my hand if I was breathing my last breath. A week later, they brought me to the hospital where I had to stay at night. They found a new way to cure me." I smile. "Funny thing is, that's not why I am still alive right now."

"This is so intense. Like, you have been through all of this..." Luke stands up to get me a glass of water.

"I know." I say when he is back. "They told me the whole story when I was older, but I can still remember it." I sigh.

"What happened with the new cure?"

"I don't know what was different about it, they never really told us, but it wasn't working. The new "cure" was killing my kidneys. I had to stay weeks in the hospital, until one day, an other doctor walked in. He said that they couldn't help me anymore. I was about to die unless a miracle would happen. They brought me back home so I could spend my last days with Ella. A few days later, a doctor told me that my kidneys didn't work anymore and I needed to find a donor really quick. They matched my blood with Ella's and we had a match. Ella wanted to do everything for me, just so I wouldn't die. So she gave me one of her kidneys." I start smiling. "And that saved my life... The chemo started to work and I got better."

It stays quiet for a while.

"Ella deserved a chance. More then I deserved it..." I say.

"That's not true." Luke says.

"Yes Luke, it is... It wasn't me who got pregnant... My child is not going to grow up without a mother." I say. "When I was cancer-free, the doctor told us that we both didn't had to worry about getting cancer. We both didn't had the symptoms anymore... I mean, the cancer could have returned in my body, but Ella would never had cancer. He promised us."