"You Die, I Die" ~ 5SOS

62.

Emma's P.O.V

"I'm so sorry. I don't know where it went wrong." I start crying.

"You failed. You always fail."

"That's not true!" I yell.

"It is... When was the last time you succeeded? Jason cheated on you, then you had Luke, who also left you, Ashton was there for you, but you sent him away."

"It was not purposely..."

"All you think about is yourself. You don't care about others... It's a good thing you're dead."

"I do not think about myself and I do care about others." I say. "And I am not dead."

"Oh really? You should be dead though."

"No, I am not selfish, so I shouldn't be dead!"

"And when was the last time you saw my child? Your niece. When was the last time you saw Matilda? Do you think she knows who you are? No. Because Emma, all you care about is yourself. You are a horrible person." Ella says.

I wake up with a scream.

"Babe, it's okay, I'm right here." My 2-year boyfriend says.

"I'm sorry for waking you up." I say.

"You are waking me up for the past year, you should be sorry. You are a horrible person. No wonder no one loves you."

This time I really wake up. I look around me and I see David sleeping next to me in bed. I step out of bed quietly and I walk to the bathroom.

I wash my face with ice cold water and I look at myself in the mirror.

I have those nightmares for the past two years now. Ever since the day I sent Ashton away. I know those nightmares aren't real, because Ella would never say those things to me. But those things she says, are real. I am a horrible person.

I should be dead and Ella should be raising Matilda... Not the other way around.
Because what Ella said, that Matilda doesn't know who I am, is true. And I feel so bad about it.

I know this isn't what Ella wanted. She wanted to have her child surrounded by her aunt. Tomorrow is Matilda's 3rd birthday and I won't be there.

"Hey, how do you feel?" David walks in. "You had a nightmare again?"

I simply nod, while tears are filling my eyes.

"Please don't listen to it. You are perfect. Even with your flaws." He says and he gives me a kiss on the cheek.

Yes, I have told David everything. Not because I wanted to, but because he needed to know the truth. He knows what I'm going through, because he has dealt with the same thing. He lost his younger brother in a car accident, and he was the driver.

"Please come back to bed with me." David says and he grabs my hand.

"I'm just scared that I will have that nightmare again... It's getting worse. And meaner." I whisper.

And I'm not saying that I don't deserve it, because I do... Ella has all rights to be mad at me, if she is. Same as Calum, that I left him alone...

"I will hold you till you fall asleep."

I just nod.

Calum's P.O.V

"I'm so sorry. I don't know where it went wrong." I start crying.

"You failed. You always fail."

"That's not true!" I yell.

"It is... Matilda is growing up without a mother and a father."

"I am here for her! I am raising her.. "

"No, all you think about is yourself. You don't care about Matilda... You are on tour with her, and when you are on stage, someone else has to watch over her? That's not raising, that's learning her to live without you... It's a good thing you're dead."

"I love Matilda and I am a good father!" I say. "And I am not dead."

"Oh really? You should be dead though."

"No, I am not selfish, so I shouldn't be dead!"

"And when was the last time you spend an entire day with Mathilda, alone? Oh wait, you never have... ,Matilda  is surrounded by a lot of people. What makes you think you are special? What makes you think that Matilda knows you are her father? You are a horrible person." Ella says.

And I wake up.

I have that nightmare for the past two years... It's killing me. I do know Ella would never say this to me, but the things she says, are so true...

Tomorrow is Matilda's third birthday, and it won't be a father-daughter day, because other people will be there too....

Gosh, I'm such a horrible person.