S.O.S

Why Am I The Way I Am?

WARNING!!! VERY SAD AND IS ABOUT SUICIDE AND SELF HARM. IF THIS IS A SENSITIVE TOPIC PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS CHAPTER. 

Katniss P.O.V.

I get up from laying down with Peeta and go to Prim's room for sec "I have to go talk to Prim." "Hey Kat! What's up?" She asks. "Not much. But I have to ask you to keep a secret." I say and sit at the end of her bed. "Yeah of course. What's the secret?" She says. "I I love Peeta but I don't want to hurt him. Or me but I feel like hurting me some more." I confess. "Katniss, please don't. I love you to much and so does Peeta." She says. Tears start to swell in my eyes and then I let them fall. "Prim I can't keep it in anymore!" I cry. "Katniss find some other ways please. Don't cut there is other alternatives then doing that." She says and holds my hands. I look away from her and cry. I don't want to have Peeta see my real side when I get in my self harm state. I pull my hands out of hers and then I run to the bathroom. I slam the door and lock it. I quickly rummage through the drawers and find my old razor blade stash. The handle starts to jiggle and I hurry and cut. "KATNISS STOP PLEASE DON'T HURT YOURSELF!!" Prim pleads from the other side of the door. I cut all over just so I can get the pain out. My arms and legs and my stomach and my neck. Blood drips down from each individual cut and falls to the ground. 'I hope this is what you wanted Katniss.' I think to myself. Both Prim and Peeta try to reach me but there is no way that I'm letting them see me now. I do one more cut straight down my right forearm for good measure. I am now in a small pool of blood on the floor. I hide my face in my knees and cry. "God Katniss you're so fuckin stupid!!!" I yell at myself. "No  Katniss you're not!" Peeta tells me. "I am and now I'm going to die." I tell them. I do one more cut to try and kill myself. I feel light headed and then I fall to the ground. The last thing I remember is looking at my arm see drops of blood falling into the puddle that I'm in. 

Peeta P.O.V

Prim and I stand at the door trying to open it and telling Katniss to stop. We hear a loud *thud*  from inside the bathroom and then I flip out. "Katniss are you okay?" I ask her. She doesn't answer. I ram the door and break the lock but I don't care. I find my girlfriend in a pool of her own blood. She has cut everywhere. I tell Prim to call 9-1-1. I look her over and she has about 75 or 80 self harm cuts. I hold her close and I don't want to leave her side. I just hope and pray that she will be okay. The paramedics come in and carry her outside to the ambulance. We meet them at the hospital. We get into the main lobby right as they take Katniss away. We both wait anxiously for the doctor to tell us that she is okay. I pull out my phone and go into group text. 

Peeta

Finnick 

Annie

Delly

Johanna

Madge 

Clove

     P: Guys Katniss committed suicide. I think it might have worked this time.

     A: Oh no!

    D: NO!!!!!

    M: Please no!!!

   J: Please tell me it isn't so!!

   C: what??? NO!!!!

   F: Did you help her??

   P: Yes but she was to set on doing it so she locked herself in her room and I had to ram the door to stop her.

  A: well if she pulls through then let us know

 P: I will you guys

I squeeze my eyes shut and rub my forehead. I don't want my girlfriend and child to die tonight. It can't happen. It just......can't. "Miss Everdeen, Mr. Melark. Please come with me." The doctor says and motions us to come with him. "Did she pull through???" I ask anxiously. "Yes but barely. If she went any deeper than she already did then she and her baby wouldn't be here." The doctor says to me. He takes us in her room and we go over to her. She is unconscious and has gauze pads wrapped all over her. 'At least she is alive, thank god.' I think. I go over to her and kneel next to her side and hold onto her hand. Then Prim and I both wait for her to wake up. 

Katniss P.O.V

I open my eyes and I'm not laying in a pool of my own blood. I'm back in the hospital. I try to move but it hurts to so I just lay there. I have gauze wraps all over my body. 'How many scars am I going to have now?' I wonder. Peeta and Prim are both asleep at my sides. "Prim." I say. "Katniss." she says. She kisses my forehead since she can't hug me. Peeta must've been up all night waiting for me to wake up. I'm about to talk again but the doctor comes in. "Oh Miss Everdeen you're awake." He says. "Yep." I say. Peeta slowly comes out of dreamland and then he sees that I'm awake. "Hi." I say with a half smile. "Hey babe, glad that you're okay." he says and kisses me. "How are you feeling Miss Everdeen?" the doctor asks. "Okay I guess. I just hurt like my cuts do." I say. "Well that's for sure that they are going to hurt. Miss Everdeen I don't mean to scare you but if you went like the tiniest bit more you would've died." he tells me. I nod. "But luckily you didn't." He says. I smile a little bit. "Now you can go home in 3 to 4 days it depends on how you feel and how they are healing. And after that your stitches will come out the day after you're home." the doctor tells me. "Okay." I say. "Great well if you need anything or me just let the nurse know okay." He says. He comes and shakes my hand and then he leaves. Prim and Peeta talk to me. "Katniss why didn't you talk to us? We could've helped you through your rough night." Prim says. "No you guys couldn't have. I had to. I needed to get out all my pain and fear out of me and I do that by cutting." I say. "I'm sorry that you're going through this rough time but we're here for you and our friends." Peeta says and rubs my hand. Prim gently hugs me. I wince in pain because Prim touches my forearm. "Oh sorry Katniss." She apologizes. "It's fine." I say and try not to cry cause of the pain. The day, at least I feel, drags out a while but I do get visitors. Annie and Finnick and Clove and Madge come to see me. It's nice to see them. They make me feel alright about life. We talk, we cry, they hug me gently and they give me balloons and orchids and a small teddy bear. They leave and then it's just Peeta, Prim and I. Prim plays on her phone and Peeta lays down with me and holds mee. "I'm sorry that you had to see the real me and what I do." I say. "It's okay Katniss." He says. He kisses me and then I go to sleep in his arms. 

Hello guys!!! Sorry for a sad chapter. Like i say I put what I feel like or what I feel like doing in my stories. But If you want to vote and comment you can but you don't have to. Don't worry I'm working on making it happy again. I just really really really need some ideas!! If you could message me or tell me in the comments please!!!!!!! Bye guys!! -zeffie

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