JEU

GAME 2

AC's POV

"We'll go to France next week. Next month pa ang balik ni yaya Susan. Is it okay if you'll stay at Bea's for a week?" Mom asked me. We're having dinner this time.

Anong bago dun?

"No problem." Pinagpatuloy ko lang ang pagkain ko. I didn't even bother looking at her.

That's part of my routine. Starting nung namatay si kuya, they prefer na iwanan ako kila Beatriz if they will go out of the country. They know I'm safe there, especially if wala si yaya Susan, yung yaya ko since lumipat kami dito.

It's been three fucking long years nung lumipat kami sa Pinas. A year after, namatay si Kuya. Siguro yun nalang talaga ang hinihintay niya- to live in this country for good.

Nasa France palang kami, it's evident that his condition is getting worse. Mom and dad never told me regarding kuya's case. I just overheard it one time and I search it on Google.

It's a severe and rare blood disease. It's like leukemia, a severe one but not a cancer type. They said sakit daw ng mayayaman. I don't get it why they call it sakit ng mayayaman though. But other's said, kasi mayayaman lang daw ang may kayang magpagamot ng ganung sakit.

My parents spent so much money already, but wala pa ring nagawa. Di pa rin siya nagamot. Namatay pa rin yung paborito nilang anak.

I also discover through thorough research that he needs someone to donate him bone marrow. But, it's hard finding a compatible one. With that, IVF or In Vitro Fertilization is one of the options for them to have a huge chance saving him. And yes, I discovered that I was supposed to be a 'saviour baby', but it happens that we are still not compatible.

That was supposed to be my first mission in life, but I failed. Bata palang I'm such a failure already. Di ko pa man din nasisimulan, talo na kaagad ako sa laban ko.

"What's your plan for college, Prei? There's a college application na online for Harvard and Oxford, right? Try mo yun, it's more convenient." Pag-iiba ng topic ni mommy that brings me back to my senses.

"I'll stay here, I think?" I said while slicing the meat on my plate.

I actually don't have any plan with my college life yet coz I'm not sure if they will support me with what I want.

"Why? I thought you wanna study there?" Napahinto si daddy sa pagkain.

My breathing is now starting to be heavy. I'm now starting to get nervous. Siguro ito na yun.

"Dad. Mom." I exhaled, a long one. "I wanna be a doctor."

Finally! I was able to say that. I know, they want me to follow their footsteps. But I guess, business is not really for me.

Silence. Napuno ng katahimiman ang dining room. Even the little sounds from the knife that I usually hear, nawala.

"Doctor? What are you thinking, Prei?!" Mom asked me. The usual grace on the way she speaks vanished. As much as I wanna look at her, I can't. I'm afraid to see her raging face.

"Neurosurgeon, mom. I wanna be a neurosurgeon." I look at my plate pero di ko magawang kumain. I'm really nervous right now. There's also and clump forming inside my throat.

"Who will manage our business then?" Mom asked. I finally got some guts to look at them.

I can see disappointment from my mom's face. And when I look at my dad, I can see no emotion- the usual formal expression that he always wear.

"I dunno. But I think, business is not for me, mom." I admit.

"Can you hear yourself? Yun yung bumuhay sayo. That's the reason why you have this life. Why you are living comfortably." She's getting furious.

Yeah, yung business nila ang rason kung bakit ako nandito. Their business is the reason kung bakit nawalan sila ng time sakin. Yung akala ng karamihan ang ganda ng buhay ko kasi akala nila lahat ng gusto ko nakukuha ko. Pero ang totoo, hindi ako masaya kasi yung totoong kailangan ko, hindi ko makuha-kuha.

"But..." 

"No! Buts!" Mom cuts me off.

"Enough. That's enough for tonight. Both of you finish your food and go to your room after, Prei." Dad ordered.

Sa kanilang dalawa, usually si mommy ang nasusunod pero kapag galit na si dad, titiklop ang lahat. Yung kabang nararamdaman ko kanina, naging doble.

"I guess, I'm full. I'll go there na. Excuse me." I stood up and started walking.

I need some air so I went to the verandah of my room.

'Breathe, AC! Breathe!' I told myself.

Prei or Precious, that's my house name. My family and my relatives used to call me those names because they say I'm special. But honestly, I feel no precious at all. I feel like I'm just force to live my life.

I got no first degree cousin because both of my parents are only child. Pero close din naman ako sa mga anak ng pinsan ni mommy. They treat me as their real cousin. But when we migrated here, I'm not anymore updated that much. Siguro, it's because they are busy na rin with their college lives and the distance of course.

My life change big time starting when we transfer here. I got a lot of friends in France, I'm famous in our school, eh. While here, wala akong ibang kaclose except Beatriz and my four high school friends.

In France, laging dumadalaw ang grandparents ko, even my cousins. But now, occasionally ko nalang sila nakikita, usually every Christmas nalang or kapag bibisita kami or sila ang pupunta dito, which happens once or twice a year lang.

About kuya, I'm not close with him. I feel like every attention in our house is nasa kanya. Also, I'm guilty kasi di ko nagawa ang responsibility ko sa kanya. In the first place, yun lang naman ang rason why I'm here, alive.

My parents love him that much. He had all their time, attention and affection. While me? I'm like a person who'll just fade in the background any minute. Di masyadong napapansin, napapansin lang if my achievements or I did something wrong.

Beatriz is the first one who let me feel I'm special. Bata palang kapag galit ako sa mundo, she'll do funny things just to make me laugh. Even though every summer lang kami nagkikita, our connection never faded.

She's the one who introduced me to sports. She said kapag galit ako or I feel sad, ituon ko daw sa sports ang galit ko.

She taught me how to play badminton, basketball, softball and even volleyball. And later on, I also enter the world of Taekwondo and kick boxing.

Mom and dad like the way Beatriz influences me. They see me before as a weak girly kid who would rather choose to spend time watching tv, reading books or playing with my toys at home rather than doing any other physical activities.

That's why when I asked them to enroll me sa Taekwondo class and I told them Bea is the one who pushes me, they were really happy because finally may mapagkakaabalahan na daw ako na something important except painting. They never support me with my love for arts, they see that as a waste of time and money. They never realize that it makes me happy.