Book Of Ha Ha 3

So There's This Guy

and he's got an ant farm, but not like a normal ant farm, it's like a regular farm that's run by ants, and one day the ant in charge of the farmer ants says to the guy 'hey guy, we're workin our thoraxes off trying to harvest these crops but it's real tough, boss. See they're all the way up in the trees and we're super small, i think we need some bigger ants to help us get the job done.' So the guy's like 'shit i guess i did notice that production's been pretty minimal, i guess i could try to get you some bigger ants. Aren't most of you pretty much all the same size though?' And the ant's all 'yo that's racist.' So they guy's like 'whoa whoa whoa i didn't mean it like that, just relatively in size to a tree. Look I'll go right now to get us some taller ants to help your team.' So the guy goes to the unemployment center in town and asks around for some tall ants but they've all been hired by other farms that can offer health insurance. He tried to recruit some practice squad players in the ant basketball league but couldn't match their salaries. He even tried to convince an ant warden to give him his tallest ants in a prisoner work release program but the warden wanted a percentage of everything sold and one of the tall ant inmates spit on the guy while he was there, so he decided that wouldn't work either. He was walking down the street tired, frustrated, and desperate when he came across a super tall homeless ant holding a 'will work for food' sign. So the guy is really excited thinking he's found his solution and explains to the hobo ant that his farmer ants aren't tall enough and the homeless ant starts laughing in his face. "Maaaaan you don't need bigger ants, you need smaller trees!" Said the ant. The guy was shocked at how simple and elegant the hobo ant's solution was, but also furious that he'd spent an entire day looking for tall ants. He decided he needed a drink to ease his mind so he stopped in the nearest bar. So the guy goes to the bartender, "hey barkeep lemme get 4 shots of the strongest booze you got." And the bartender's like "brother I've got some moonshine that'll melt your face off but it's crazy strong, you sure you want 4 shots?" And the guy says, "look man I've had a nightmare of a day, i know my limits, trust me i can handle my shit." So the bartender's like "all right man if you insist" and he lines up four shots of the moonshine and the guy wastes no time and throws em back, one after another, slams down the fourth shot glass, and then immediately projectile vomits all over the bar, including on the bartender. The bartender's fuckin piiiiiiissed and yells "what the fuck man!? You said you could handle your shit!! What is your problem!?!?" And the guy wipes his mouth and says "duuuuude sorry, i thought i hadda hire taller ants."