Septiplier One Shots

Fucking Around

(Seán's P.O.V.)

When I first moved to the lovely state of Ohio, I had nobody. It was just me, my mother, and my father, and they were so busy with their new jobs it didn't even matter that they were there. I was ignored by my parents, ignored by my school. Then I met this kid one year older than me, with black hair and brown eyes. His name is Mark. We hit it off immediately. 

Skip to a few years and he's a Senior, myself a Junior in high school. We're best friends... With benefits. After a while we found out that fucking around with each other helped relieve stress, so we just started doing it regularly. If one of us was stressed out, or just having a really bad day, we'd go over and have a sleepover at the other's house... Without much sleeping.

And I realize it probably isn't the best way to alleviate stress, and definitely not the best way to keep a healthy friendship, but it works for us. And, I mean, he's hot. Anyone that sees him, in bed or out, has to admit that. But, lately, I've been second guessing it. Of course the sex is still good, and it still is a great stress reliever, but something is missing. And I realize what it is, though I don't really want to admit it.

I've actually fallen in love with him. I have fallen in love with my fuckbuddy Mark Fischbach, and I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do about it. Mark and I have already had a conversation about how he doesn't want to turn this into a relationship, mainly because he's had some real relationship issues in the past. He said he just can't ground himself like that, not the way he wants too.

So I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I could just talk to him, but he'd either laugh at me or yell at me or... I don't know. I love Mark. And I trust him with everything, my body, my happiness, my life... But I don't know if I can trust him with my heart. 

***

Finals are coming up, and neither Mark or I want to be distracted during finals so we decided to do, like, a "pre-finals celebration" to help get rid of some of the stress. But for the first time sitting here on this bed without my shirt and making out with Mark is actually causing more stress for me than getting rid of it. And I think Mark realizes, but is pushing it aside. He's really good at doing that...

With a sigh I back away, closing my eyes and bowing my head, shaking my head slowly. 

"I can't do this today." I whisper and I hear Mark's breathing hitch for a second. I know why. I've never turned him down, not ever. So the fact that I am, and during one of the most stressful periods of the year too, is probably a shocker.

"Are you okay?" He asks, his deep voice full of concern. I chuckle slightly, nodding to try and pass a lie. But he isn't having it. "Bullshit. Seán I know you better than you know yourself." I feel his fingers on my chin and I open my eyes, suddenly looking at his beautiful face. "What's wrong?" 

I shake my head a bit. "You'll laugh at me." I say and he furrows his eyebrows, looking somewhat shocked.

"What? No. I'd never laugh at you in a situation like this, you know that." He says, looking somewhat hurt that I'd think of him that way. And I feel guilty for thinking that way too, but it's better than accusing him of slapping me and yelling at me to get out of his house. 

"Do I have to tell you?" I ask, frowning and he chuckles, shrugging.

"I'm your best friend."

"With benefits." I add and this only seems to make him more concerned. I sigh, pulling away from his touch and standing off of the bed. "I can't do this anymore, Mark. We're always fucking around but it doesn't matter because you don't love me!" My voice rises and I stare at him with tear filled eyes. He stares back at me with a similar expression, though much more shocked.

"What are you saying?" He whispers, and I let a tear fall, taking in a shaky breath. 

"I'm saying that I can't have you pretending to love me anymore just for a fun night. Because every time we do something it tears my heart apart knowing that you don't love me the way that I love you." I enunciate every word, trying to fight through tears and get my message to his head. And Mark looks absolutely devastated.

"Wait, wait..." He breathes, wiping tears away before looking up at me. "You love me?" 

I nod, knowing it's to late to take back my words. "Yes, I do. And I'm sorry that I'm not good enough for you."

His eyes widen and he stands, rushing over to me and putting his hands on my waist. 

"No! No! You are perfect for me." He chuckles and I take in a sharp breath, staring at him as he continues, tears rolling down his face though his voice is fairly steady. "I love you too, but I'm just so damn scared that I'm not good enough for you. Because, Seán, you deserve the world and I don't know if I can give that to you." 

"So you decided the best thing to do was keep me in arms length, teasing me everything we're stressed?" I ask, not understanding. He shakes his head, looking down at the ground before staring in my eyes.

"I did it because I want you to be mine, and I didn't know how else to keep you with me! But I am so scared of starting a relationship because I don't want to fuck it up!" He says, crying and shaking his head. I shake my head slowly, putting my hands on his face and wiping his tears away. 

"You won't fuck it up."

"Yes I will! You know what happened with me and Amy, I don't want to do that to you..." He sobs, and my heart breaks at the mention of Amy's name. What happened between her and Mark was a tragedy, but that doesn't mean he'll repeat the mistakes. I've told him this multiple times.

"Mark, just because you've messed up before doesn't mean you will now, okay? Please, I love you. I just want to be with you." I say, putting my forehead to his. He chuckles, kissing me softly. And I kiss back, just like every time we kiss. But this time, it feels different. There's an underlying passion and respect that was never there before. And only when he pulls away do I realize how cold the air feels without him.

"I love you too." He whispers, and I smile, closing my eyes and hugging him tight. I don't know what will happen to us from here. After all, we're really good at just fucking around. But hopefully we'll build something, a relationship, and we can be more than just friends with benefits. We could be a couple, together, forever. At least, that's what I hope.