Friction || Luke Hemmings

Alli- 50

"And how does that make you feel?"

I groaned loudly, not even trying to hide my annoyance. She had been asking me that same god damned question for the past four weeks, and my answer never seemed to change. "You know I hate that stupid question."

"And you know that's why I keep asking." Ashlyn chuckled lightly, readjusting her grip on my file in her lap.

"I... I hate the fact that I had to leave my mom... that I had to leave him... but it was for the best... I know it was."

"You still seem hesitant."

I groaned again, letting my body sink back into the couch. "I... I haven't been able to sleep much." I admitted, my therapist not looking at all surprised. "He just- he just always crosses my mind and I feel so guilty for leaving him like I did."

"You feel guilty about the note?"

"It was a shitty thing to do... I mean...." I trailed off, not entirely sure how to put my thoughts into words. It had only been four weeks without him, and it was slowly killing me.

"Okay, correct me if I wrong." Ashlyn started, my eyebrows furrowing as she sat up in her chair. "You left both Harry and Luke letters, right?" I nodded. "Where is your guilt centered?"

I thought about her question for a moment, not at all sure how to answer. I mean, I felt extremely guilty about leaving the both of them the way I did. For one I had been leading Harry on, and even though he was well aware of that fact, it didn't make it right. He knew I was only using him as a distraction, even though I knew the way he felt about me. He just let me use him, and I knew that hurt him more than anything... considering he had now lost two girls to Luke.

And then there was Luke. I guess in a way I had lead him on too. I had allowed myself to sleep with him knowing I would have to leave him in only a short few hours.

My mom and I had decided that I needed to get out of that god forsaken town. It was only accelerating the deterioration of my mental health, so were agreed that I needed to get out. I hadn't expected her to suggest I move halfway across the country, but I knew it would be better for me. With the help of my dad, they had set me up in a nice apartment, right down the street from the therapy office they made me promise I would go to regularly. They weren't even forcing me to continue my schooling just yet, telling me to focus on my health instead. And so far everything had been great.

I had gotten a job as a waitress at a local diner, making a good amount of money just in tips any time I worked. I had even managed to make some friends, from both work and just my apartment building. The only thing that I could've possibly wanted was Luke here by my side.

"I guess... I guess I feel bad because in a way I lead them both on... and then in the end I had to lose them both." I spoke every word slowly, as if I was tasting the way they sounded... and I didn't like it, not one bit.

"How'd you lead Luke on?"

"I... well I allowed him to break down in front of me... begging me to stay, and I didn't once try to tell him that I was leaving."

Ashlyn let my words surround us for a moment, the cap of her pen between her teeth as she looked at me curiously. "Why did you leave him?"

"We've gone over this." I said, annoyed that she had to bring it up. I had been seeing her about three times a week, and this conversation was brought up at least two sessions out of those three.

"And you lie to me every time."

"I don't lie." I scoffed, sitting up straighter and crossing one leg over the other.