Friction || Luke Hemmings

Luke- 51

"Luke." I rolled my eyes in response, setting my guitar down before facing them. Ash, Mikey, and Cal were all giving me slight glares. I could tell that they were trying to not be annoyed with me... but it had been five weeks and they were getting fed up.

"You need to get over yourself." Mikey spit out, pushing out a heavy sigh and running his fingers through his hair.

"I'm trying." I groaned, pushing the palms of my hands into my eyes.

"No, you're not." Ashton growled, the sound of his drum sticks hitting the floor echoing around us. "Luke, we get it. You're fucking sad. It has been over a month, you need to start getting back to fucking normal."

"What the fuck is normal, Ash?" I asked, my voice cracking slightly. It didn't matter how long she was gone, it didn't hurt any fucking less. "I haven't been normal since you fucks pulled me into this, so please tell me how I'm supposed to be normal?" I seethed, holding all of their annoyed stares. I knew they were right, but I really didn't know what normal was anymore. 

"Don't blame this on us." Michael muttered, throwing his body onto the couch before shoving his head into his hands. 

I sighed heavily, tugging at my hair roughly. "Sorry... that's not what I meant. I just... I'm worried sick." I admitted, Ashton's eyes softening as he stared at me over his drum set. 

"I know." He mumbled, shaking his head. "But you have to stop thinking about it... about her. You need to get your mind off of her, it's not healthy to be so torn up about it." Ashton spoke slowly, trying to make sure that I heard every word that he said. And I did. I knew it wasn't healthy... I haven't been able to eat or even sleep over the past five weeks, my mind littered with the thoughts of her by herself somewhere. I was worried sick that she wasn't okay... or even worse that she was doing fantastic without me while I was miserable without her. 

"What if-"

"Luke you can't go there." Michael groaned, knowing too damn well where my thoughts were going. "You go see her mum twice a week, if something was wrong with her you would know. If her mum isn't freaking out, then you shouldn't either." He was right. Since the day she left I went to see her mum every day, but I could tell even she was getting annoyed with me. I forced myself to stop going every morning, instead only going a couple times a week just to ask if Alli was doing alright. She told me the same thing every time I went- 'She's doing good, Luke, don't worry about her'. And I guess Mikey was right, if her mum wasn't worried then I shouldn't be either. 

"You're right... sorry." I mumbled, keeping my eyes on the ground. It didn't matter, though, how many times they told me to stop thinking about her... I couldn't. 

"Okay... how about we take a break and go get some food, yeah?" Calum muttered, Ash and Mikey agreeing immediately. I nodded slowly, knowing damn well I wouldn't be able to eat but I'd still go sit with them anyway. 

I followed behind them as they made their way out to Ashton's car, keeping my mouth shut and trying to think about anything except Alli. It didn't work. 

I had cried more times than I would have liked to admit since the day she left. I still couldn't understand, for the life of me, why she couldn't just tell me where she was going. I could give her space, I just couldn't deal with the not knowing shit. I wanted to hear her voice, I craved to hear her voice so badly. I had called her phone so many times in the first week that she actually texted me and asked me to stop. I had texted her everyday since then, begging her to just tell me she was alright, but she never replied. 

I didn't know what I was more scared of- the fact that she could be as miserable as I was, or the fact that she could be living the life she always wanted... without me. I felt absolutely pathetic, wracking my brain day and night about the girl I had tried to hate for so long. I didn't think I would ever be able to forgive myself for treating her the way I did. I did as she asked me and forgave Calum, but it wasn't like it was before.