Friction || Luke Hemmings

Alli- 60

I could hear his footsteps as he slowly made his way out of the room, my body shaking from the effort of holding back the tears. It had taken a good few hours to get the sobs to stop before I even allowed my mum to let him in. I didn't want him to see me cry because then he would worry... and he would start asking questions... and I didn't even know if I could tell him now.

I didn't mean to be curled in Jaime when he came in. I had asked my mum to call him after she told me, considering he was one of the only other people who knew. He also knew that I didn't want his sympathy, I just needed someone who understood. And I knew he understood enough. He had just started rubbing my back when Luke walked in, and I didn't even think about how it looked. And then he had to go and start asking questions, and, out of habit, I pushed him out again.

As soon as I heard the door shut I didn't even try to hold it back anymore. I shook violently, strangled sounds leaving my body as I twisted around in the small bed. I had to bring my head out of the pillow, solely so I could attempt to breathe. It didn't help much, though, considering any time I tried to suck in a breath it felt like all the oxygen was immediately rejected from my lungs. It fucking hurt.

I wasn't even sure that I really wanted to have a baby. I knew damn well that I wasn't ready to be a mother... but something about the idea of going through it with Luke made it worth it. It felt as though this could have been our new start... this could have been the beginning of our forever. But it was ripped away just as I was accepting it. But just like everything else in our relationship, something had to go wrong. I was starting to believe that it was a sign... that maybe we weren't actually supposed to be together. Maybe the universe was telling us to just give it up already.

"Alli, try to calm down." I heard Jamie mumble, his hand landing on my back again. This time I flinched at the contact. It wasn't that I didn't appreciate the action, it was just he really wasn't the one I wanted to be comforting me right now. I just knew, though, I wouldn't be able to handle Luke coming in here again any time soon. I wanted nothing more than to curl into his side, let his hands roam across my skin, but it would probably do more damage than it would good.

He just had to keep calling me 'baby'. I didn't want to snap, but I couldn't help it. The once innocent pet name now just reminded me of everything that I lost.

"I-I didn't think-think it would hurt this-this bad." I sputtered, my words practically incomprehensible due to the sobs that were still closing my throat. "I-I didn't even know if- if I wanted a baby."

"Alli, you have to tell him." Jaime spoke softly, refraining from placing his hands on me again.

"Why?" I asked, struggling to take in a solid breath. "What's- what's the point now?"

"You know you want to tell him. You have to tell him. It's clear you would rather have him in here than me." He said softly. I could tell he wasn't offended that I really would rather not be comforted by him, but I still felt a little guilty hearing him say it out loud. Jaime and I really weren't that close before, which is why I think it was so easy to tell him in the first place. Although now, I was wishing I hadn't. Maybe this would have been easier if I hadn't told anyone. If I hadn't told anyone than I could still pretend it wasn't real, and if it wasn't real than this pain surely wouldn't feel like it was ripping a hole through my chest, would it?

"How can I look him in the eyes and tell him that I was pregnant... that I had his child but didn't want to tell him... and now its gone."

"Alli-"

"Maybe... maybe this was just a sign. Maybe we aren't supposed to be together... maybe this is the universe's final attempt to tell us that we aren't meant to last."

"I highly doubt that." He muttered, giving me a sad smile.