Again (H.S)

13. pray for me

I would never say it aloud but I was afraid. Every second in public felt like Desmond was out there, just waiting to pop out. Eleanor fucked up royally when she got the government involved and turned us all in.

I knew Desmond was still behind bars but it wasn't for long. Calum said that it was only a matter of time. Each day that passed, all my eniemies recovered, getting stronger than before. The blow that Eleanor made was huge. One of the biggest drug rings distribution was disbanded.

The news was everywhere for nearly a year. My family and I were pariahs in the eyes of society. I didn't blame any of them though because we did lie to alot of people and did bad things. Extremely bad things.

On top of having Desmond on our tails, there were also my enemies; the ones I personally gained over the years. Besides having to protect Eleanor and Freya, I had to take care of myself too.

So yes, I was terrified. I couldn't guarantee that nothing would happen to me. No matter how hard I tried and how under control I thought I had things, something could always slip in between the cracks.

I didn't know if I could protect my family like I wanted. If it came down to it, I would have rather died than have anything happen to them. I would send them very far away and make sure that their trail wasn't traceable so they could disappear easily. I already had a plan set up if it happened.

Louis promised to take care of them if I failed to keep myself alive. I made him swear he would treat Freya as his own daughter. Out of all my mates, I trusted him with Freya's life. He was a father like me. He understood how important it was to me that they were okay.

Whatever it takes.

The thought itself pained me. Thinking that I might not survive that war. It felt like the weight of everything was on my shoulders. Which was true, but I had help from the boys. But I couldn't expect them to give their everything to this.

In the end, it was between Desmond and me. I figured it must have been so, with how badly he was having Eleanor hunted.

I only had a few more weeks till my father was inevitably broken out of prison. I didn't know how I was going to do stuff once, what literally felt like the whole world, came after us.

I hated not knowing or having a solid plan as to what to do. As much as she pestered me, Eleanor had a point. Freya didn't deserve to live a life on the run. I loathed that Desmond made me disrupt the life she had before I came in it. Even though she didn't know about me like she did now, I knew she had a peaceful normal life.

To her, bad guys should have been the bogey man or monsters in the closet, not actually real men that have every intention of hurting her. I felt useless at not being fully capable of protecting my daughter's life. I loved her more than anything.