Again (H.S)

good talk don

Eleanor P.O.V

My nerves are on edge as everyone is getting ready to head out. In the end I couldn't nor wouldn't allow Eliza to go anywhere near Desmond or Nathan alone.

Harry is frustrated with me but he's learned to live with it. I suppose but he doesn't mention it to me anymore. Although he does have a habit of making a face. When he is displeased with something I choose to do. We don't argue over it now since there was no point.

Harry knows what happens when he tries to keep me away from helping. I end up doing it one way or another.

Once he left to a trip without me. Gave me no details and had the nerve to say I should enjoy timeoff. I spent two days with Freya, giving my parents, and the nannies a break.

Ever since I started working in this I've seen less of my daughter. I was used to spending everyday with Freya. From waking up to bedtime. Now we pop in and out consistingly. Even though I wish to bring her with me sometimes. I know not a way in hell. My drugs are everywhere and they were never my thing. Yet here I am doing my part to help run the biggest cartel in the world.

I'd never want this to be her job one day. Even though I'm doing it. I don't feel that proud in it. I'm proud, I suppose that I ended up being really good at it. The cycle is vicious with no one really winning. Being a parent is hard but working in this makes it harder. It has both taken and given me things but not without claiming it's price.

Anyways I forced it out of Ricardo. Harry wasn't happy with me for days. We worked through it though. Those who surround us look at us like we're ultimate goals. Yet I feel like we're far from that. Some days I wonder how we do it.

How we stay together despite being so different. Sometimes in the middle of an argument, I'll think this is it. I'm so sure that we've reached our limit and that's that. I have learned that it's much harder to stay than leave. Even though I come to that point, I know I could never be without him. If in a unlikely future it were to happen, I'd never be with anyone else. Until Freya was out of the house at least. Even then I don't see myself being with anyone else anyways.

I know it's unrealistic to always be happy with one another. I feel though that if we're still trying than we'll be fine.

"Eleanor?" My father calls from behind me.

I was standing on the steps outfront waiting for every one else. Sometimes I need a moment to process what I'm about to do. That's one thing I hate now since I started this job. I always leave the house wondering if it will be the last time I do.

I turn back to him. He walks over placing an arm around my shoulder and hugging me close.

I've always been close to my father. Even before the deal, which is why I did the deal. Because he had asked me and there wasn't anything I wouldn't do for him.

I let myself sink into him, wrapping both arms around his waist. Even though I'm nearly 23, in his arm I always feel 5 again.

Don to me has always been a model of strength and confidence. So much of who I am today has stemmed from him too. He's been around since day one-helping me, teaching me, and molding me into a daughter he is proud of. He isn't the best at verbal praises, yet his hugs mean the world. They show me that no matter what, I will always be good enough for him.