32. pushing through

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Eleanor P

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Eleanor P.O.V

I felt like every nerve on me was ablaze on fire. I was so conscious of my surroundings and the people. What was I doing exactly? I knew that whatever I was doing was very much illegal and the risk that I was taking was too great. All men were wanted all over the world, not just in a particular city.

Yet, there I was thrusting myself into all the mess as if it was nothing. It was as if I was taking another job, only that this was on a higher level, a much higher one. I didn't know if I was ready for it but I knew I was going to have to be. If I wanted to have my family together, that was the way it needed to be. I had accepted that but I don't think Harry had. Or at least, I don't think he wanted to. I wondered why he was so dead set for me to be a housewife.

He, better than anybody else, knew that it was never my wish to be one. I had a life planned out for myself in mind. One where I went to school and became a pediatrician.

I wish I would have had Freya in the beginning. I was so alone in that house until Harry finally let me in.

The time I spent by myself with no one; I can admit traumatized me. I thought my family or friends would reach out. But life went on for them and I don't blame them.

I got married.

That was the new role I signed up for. I couldn't be myself and I knew my mom knew that. I'm sure she felt the exact same way. I wondered how me and her were going to come back from this one. I had forgiven her for it, but I didn't know how to make her a part of my life again. We didn't exactly have the closest bond; I feel like Eliza got that.

"How much do you know about this Eleanor?" Chema repeated his question. My cheeks burnt as I realized I got lost deep in thought.

"What you see on TV and the little bit I've seen first hand. I have somewhat of an idea on this works." I answered finally.

"She knows nothing Chema. I don't understand why you're eagerly encouraging this." Harry grumbled from where he's sitting.

"You are not naive Harry. I know you know she can't be with you and not get involved somehow. This does not work like that." Chema uttered looking at him head on.

"She's still a free woman. That's something you and I don't have the luxury of anymore. It's not you or your woman. So, of course you won't care." Harry retaliated angrily.

His face was becoming more crimson and his eyes seemed to spark with fury. Once passive features were consumed by rage and anger, resentment and fury. Harry didn't like the conversation at all.

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