danser avec un inconnu

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Desmond P

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Desmond P.O.V

18 years ago

I see Anne sitting with the children outside and wonder if now is the time to go. I stop to wonder why life can't be this simple always. Anne's world as she knows it will come crashing down. Absolutely everything is about to change even if I don't will it.

Gemma chases after Harry leaving Anne alone for a moment and I choose now to go. Her head turns just when I stop in front of her holding a hand out. She offers me a kind smile before taking my hand. I help her up hoping whatever muscles I pulled in my face resembled a smile.

I hate to admit that I don't feel anything when she closes her arms around me. She must think I gave an opening to affection and went for it. The more I think about it the more I feel bad. I'm not as affectionate as I used to be. Hardly affectionate ever unless it's to satisfy a need.

"Do you want to join us for a bit? I'm sure the children would love it." Anne offers enthusiastically. She's so desperately trying to get me to be the man I used to be. The man she married at first. I don't think she's catched on that he never existed. That I only pretended because it made me happy enough for awhile.

Then reality set it and I realized this wasn't really what I wanted. By then it was far too late. I had two kids now. Which for the record should have never happened. I didn't think I was capable of producing children. Not functioning ones at least. I'm waiting for the moment that they will hate me because that's the way it is.

I don't remember a happy moment with either parent. I hate them both and wish they rot in hell for everything. I can't wrap my head around the fact that Gemma and Harry love me unconditionally so blindly. They have no idea who I am really so how can they really love me? Why should they love me just for that fact?

"I need to talk to you." I shake my head seeing her shoulders fall.

"Yes?" She murmurs hugging her arms around herself.

"We need to go on a trip Anne. Without the kids. I need you to prepare them for that and yourself." I inform seeing as her expression falls into a frown.

"I don't like leaving the kids for long, is it an emergency? Is everything alright Desmond?" Anne answers right away.

Nothing is fucking right you dumb bit-She's the mother of your children Desmond, I scold myself.

"They will be. Just get everything settled to leave at the end of the week. We'll be gone for 3-5 days so pack accordingly." I answer her question vaguely.

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