BOOK 3: The Seventeen Heirs Series; Yoon Jeonghan (SEVENTEEN FANFIC)

49: FURY

YOON JEONGHAN's POV

One, two, three . . . I don't even know how many minutes I've been leaning my head on the wheel and not even breathing while I park my car at the side of the road, few kilometers away from our house — where I left my heart. My whole life.

My heart is breaking, like an ice cracking so slowly.

I want to beat something down, to free the struggle inside me. But I just feel so weak. So human. It's like my body was covered with pain and I hurt all over.

It's my fault. It was my goddamn fault.

I asked her to be my wife. Asked her to be my forever, to be with me and spend the rest of our life together. But what the hell happened?

Maybe everything's too late for us. I can't make things right anymore. Jae hates me now. She hates me and now she wanted me to leave her alone.

Can I? Can I do that?

Fvck! Fvck! Fvck! I cursed crisply as I beat down the stirring wheel.

I couldn't go through the pain of losing my wife again. I can't go through it again. I can't.

I can't breathe because of the pain. It's too painful. Tears stung my eyes as I shut them, and all the while as I held them close, I could only think about the biggest mistake I just made in my life.

Yes. I just left the only woman I love. The only person I allowed to touch me in my deepest soul. The only woman who proved to me that my heart worth more than anything.

But there . . . I just did. I left Jae.

It was a crucial decision for me to make and the most difficult. The hardest. To leave Jae and walk away. I just threw my entire world away . . . my whole life. And now, I have nothing.

My chest throbbed again, more painful than the previous one. That I can't help but groan loudly in too much pain. I growled like a hurting bear and hit the stirring wheel again in a hard blow.

I punch it for a few times until my hand turned numb in pain. If only beating it down could magically undo the past. If only I could drown in my pain and feel numb. Feel nothing and just let it go.

But everything's too hard. Everything's too painful. It hurts to let go.

I shouldn't have let her win. I shouldn't have left . . . regrets flocked my mind now.

But what could I do? Yes, maybe he could've stayed and demanded to stay. That would be easier for me if I didn't listen to her. Maybe I wouldn't be as miserable as I am right now. Maybe it would be less painful.

But the thing was, even if I chose to cover my ears and refused to listen, I could see the end just by looking into her eyes. The string we were holding on to, it's been getting brittle. Weak. The knots were loosened and it keeps on unraveling. Until the string broke.

Jae wanted freedom.

Maybe my brothers would tell me to be rational, logical about it. But rational logic would be to keep her and make her stay. Because it is what's right. Rational logic would mean I would make our marriage work because that was what most married couple does.

But that won't save me from the way I felt right now, as my whole body twisted from powerlessness. Rational logic won't save our marriage because it will only hurt Jae even more.

If keeping Jae is the most right thing to do — the thing I wanted the most, I also knew that I would only snatch her freedom away from her. And she would forever hate me if I did.