M.Y.GxBTS Not Enough (EDITING)

7

Yoongi's POV

Why do I always mess things up for people?

Why is everyone so perfect and I'm not?

Why can't I ever be enough?

I question myself over and over again as my growing hatred towards myself fuels my desire to be layered and sweat and drained of oxygen as I work out on the mat in my studio.

The smell of must and sweat fills my nose as I keep pushing and pushing for my desire to be skinny.

The timer goes off on my phone. That's my cue to stop.

Keep going fatass

Your not even as out of breath as you should be.

Not enough sweat on that disgusting body of yours.

Now do more jumping jacks

More sit-ups

More squats

More
More
More

The desire drives me almost to insanity as I don't even stop to turn off the timer.

I want to be enough for the fans to see me as equal.

I want bts to be proud of me.

But I'm not enough.

Not yet.

Half an hour later black dots enter my vision as I start to shake them out.

I do around 25 more jumping jacks as my bones feel as if they are about to break and my muscles burn like a bonfire all over my skin.

I finally stop as the black spots become to unbearable and turn off the timer.

Look how much further you went than the timer

You aren't doing enough

You are not trying hard enough.

You smell like rotten flesh.

I grab the towel in the corner and wipe the sweat off my face.

It feels like I've been in a sauner for 12 hours.

You haven't even purged today let alone done your work for a new song.

You are slacking off the band will kick you out if this keeps happening.

I stand up and grab my waterbottle before almost draining half of it.

Don't drink so much water! Water weight weighs so much! Do you want to weight even more than you do now? You will never be enough!

I stop my self from drinking the rest as I put it in my gym back, open the window so sweat and the musty smell can leave and walk out with my phone in hand.

••Time Skip••

I walk into the dorm room I share with Jin as I drop my bag on the ground and grab clean clothes out of the cupboard as well as a new towel.

I close the door to the shower room and turn on the shower allowing it to get warm before I get in. Taking off my clothes, leaving on my short boxers, I find myself looking into the mirror. Slowly lifting up both my hands I wrap my fingers around my wrist to see how far they wrap around.

The thumb and middle finger of my right hand reach fully around my left wrist.

Check.

This time I do it with my index finger and thumb.